Confessions of A Single Lady..

... Usually When I Hear The Word Confession..
I Emphasize That it's Me Explaining My Story.. And Adding The Term Single.. Tends to Bring Up Some Sort of Pinned Up Agression..
Sometimes I Feel Like I Hinder My Happiness.. I Mean I'm Not Bitter..
But When I Think About All The Bad Things.. It's Hard Not Too.. With All Things Considered..
I've Been Lied Too.. All Kinds of Lies.. All Sorts..
I Cheered For People Who Played Games.. Treated Me Like A Trophy.. And Just For The Fuck Of It.. Treated My Heart Like This was Some Kind of Blood Sport..
Tripped on me and Treated Me Like A Last Resort..
I Wasted Precious Time and Energy on What I thought was Love.. And In Return I Got Hurt..
When I Needed Love.. I Replaced It with Lust..
Gave Up.. Some Up A Piece of My Dignity.. Self-Respect and Trust..
Deprived Myself of Feelings and Emotions.. Told Myself that I Didn't Need Them..
Tried To Convince Myself.. All I Needed Was Me.. Wisdom From Within..
Single No Longer Became A Title.. It Became A Lifestyle.. I Became Accustomed To It..
More or Less.. It Stayed With Me.. And I Became Content.. Comfortable With It..
I Reinvented Myself For The Better.. Or So I Told Myself..
Watched Movies, Read Books and Poems.. That Brainwashed Me Into Thinking That This was Good For My Health..
Sooner Or Later It Sticks.. The Ideal That You Don't Need Anyone.. Especially Someone Who's Going to Add Baggage.. Extra Shit.. To A Already Fucked Up Situation..
Everyone Cheats.. One Way Or Another.. Mentally, Physically or Even Emotionally.. And People Add Frustration..
People Add Complications..
To Just Lie About Everything.. Love.. Life.. Friendship.. and Relations..
So I Got Used to Being Alone.. But Deep Down I Told Myself That It was Temporary..
Love Was A Doorway To Heartbreak and I will NEVER Walk Through That Door Voluntary..
I Listened to My Heart.. When I Should Have Listened to My Mind..
Wrong Every Mutha Fucking Time..
And Then I Started To Listen To My Mind.. When I Should Listened to My Heart..
It Only Left Me Confused.. Hurt.. And Physically Torn Apart..
I Blamed It On Love.. I Shouldn't Have to Decide..
It Eventually Left Me Fighting For Something That Created The Great Divide..
Which in Turn Caused Mental Breakdowns.. Being Mind Fucked is the Worst Feeling in The World..
Constantly Giving Your All to Someone.. Who In Return Treats You Like Every Other Girl..
You Get The "It Wasn't You.. Baby It Was All Me.. "
And If That Isn't The Worst Excuse.. To Us..
No Wait.. I Take That Back..
When In Fact..
It's The "I Don't Want to Get To Hurt So.. Im So Afraid To Love You Back Right Now.."
And "Please Understand and Respect That I'm Afraid.." *Sighs*.. WOW..
This is The Dumbest Shit That I've Ever Heard.. This Excuse..
Often Used..
As The Best Apology To Fuck You Over Big Time..
And Here We Go Again.. Getting Fucked Over.. Heart and Mind..
When I Try to Show You What Real Love Could Be Or What True Love Really Was..
You Turn Around and Make Me Resent Love..
Seemingly Innocent.. They All Are.. At First..
Until.. They Expose Themselves.. And Their True Intentions.. And Then It Goes Wrong and It Always get Worst..
So Excuse Me.. If my Clutch To Being Single.. Is My Only Weapon Against.. This Love Warfare..
I Don't Want Fight.. Over A Title.. That You Give Me.. But You Share With Every Other Girl.. That You Want to Like.. Or Make An Effort To Care..
I Don't Want To Be In A Relationship..
If Every Other Girl Benefits..
Shares A Seat At Your Table..
Bullshit.. When You Say You're Willing, Ready and Able..
I Can't Feel Special.. If You Show The Same Attention.. To Every Girl.. That You Think Looks Like Your Type..
And Expect Me To Stay By Your Side.. And Try To Convince Me.. That All Of This Shit is Right..
I Know That They Say That No One is Meant to Be Single Forever.. But What The Blue Fuck Do They Know..
Have They Ever Been Hurt Beyond Repair..
So Damaged That You Can't Even Use The Word Love.. Until Someone Can Go To Hell and Back to Prove That They're Genuinely Worth It.. Or Enough to Care..
I Confess That I'm A Woman..
I Make Mistakes..
I Partake..
In Things and People.. That I Know Aren't Good Enough..
For My Love..
It's Conflicting.. Confusing.. A Bit Disturbing..
Going Into Something With Someone.. And Knowing In The Back of Your Mind.. This won't work out.. Already Knowing..
But They Aren't Perfect..
So Eager to Venture Into The Unknown.. And Already Know This..
That Love is Hopeless..
And Pretend Not To Notice..
Happiness is Only For The Deserving..
So I'm Sorry If I Would Rather Stay Single.. Than Lose What Little I Have of Me..
But Sometimes The Curiosity..
Crosses My Mind..
And I Think About A Relationship.. For A Brief Moment in Time..
But Then Again That is Not Where My Happiness Could Be..
Clearly..
So as Soon as It Goes in One Ear and It Goes Out of The Other..
No Need To Even Dwell On That Shit.. No Need To Think Any Further..
I Don't Trust People.. Long Enough to Let Down My Guard.. Please..
People Say One Thing.. And Do Another.. Actions.. Consistency Is All I Need..
I Don't Want To Confuse.. What You Say With What You Do..
It's So Easy to Misinterpret.. Lies From The Truth..
"I Love You.. But.." Is Always A Catch-22..
So.. I'm Not Sorry For Choosing To Be Alone..
And If Being Single is So Wrong..
Then Clearly.. I Don't Want To Right..
So Yes.. I'm Single.. Just Enjoying.. The Peace and Harmony in My Life..
Maybe I Will One Day Eventually End Up Being In A Relationship.. But Right Now.. I"m Not Stressing..
Being I'm A Single Lady And These Are My Confessions..

2nd Chance..

... I Know That I Did You Wrong and Caused You So Much Pain..
I Know That I Fucked Up.. But I Don't Want Our Love To Be In Vain..
I Don't Want To Be A Sad Story.. Illustrated And Summarized With Heartache..
The Story Of Us.. Ended With Heartbreak..
I Didn't Mean To Hurt You But I Let My Pride Get In The Way..
Used Silence.. Instead Of At Least Attempting To Find The Right Words to Say..
I Gave Up..
When We Should Have Made Up..
I Brought Up..
And Thrown So Much Back In Your Face..
Eliminated Your Spot When You Will Always Have A Place..
I Treated You So Cruel..
I Broke And Bent All Our Rules..
Cross All Boundaries.. Just In Spite Of..
When You Say That You Heart Me.. I Tested Your Love..
I Didn't Even Consider Your Needs..
I Was So Selfish.. Only Thinking About Me..
And You Were So Patient With Me.. Honestly..
Can You Ever Forgive Me..
I Know That I Don't Deserve.. A 2nd Chance.. Or Any Chances For That Matter..
I Won't Make Promises Saying That I Will Be Better..
I have to Show You..
Can We Start Over Again.. Allow Me To Get To Know You..
I Want To Reintroduce Myself.. Go On Our 1st Date Again..
Become Your Friend..
No Longer Making This Thing About Me.. But About Us..
Earn Your Trust..
Recreate Our First Kiss..
The Way You Would Hug..
The Mornings We Spent Fighting and The Nights We Spent Making Love..
You Treated Me Like And Equal..
And I Know That You Said You Would Never Cry Over Me Anymone.. It Was Beneath You..
I Wish I Could Take It Back.. The Way You Looked At Me When I Disappointed You..
I Live With So Many Regrets But The Worst One.. Is Hurting You..
All You Wanted Was Love and Happiness.. And I Couldn't Give It To You..
The Tears That Fell When You Felt I Didn't Appreciate You..
The Way you Always Came Back.. When I Apologized For The Way I Treated You..
Sure For a Couple of Days I Straighten Up and Flew Right..
And You Were So Happy.. It Felt Like The Real Deal.. I Guess I Can See It All Now.. Guess I'll Call It Insight..
I Made You Cry.. Way Too Many Times.. And I Brushed It Off Like It Didn't Matter..
And I Always Knew Better..
And When Your Friends Told You That You Could Do Better..
You Stood By My Side.. Through All My Bullshit.. Through the Cheating..
The Laying, The Sneaking, The Creeping..
You Held Us Down..
I Made A Fool Of You.. In Front of All of Your Friends and Family..
I Made You Look So Weak..
When in Reality You Were The Strong One..
I Need You.. You Didn't Me..
And I Know It Took too Long For Me to Notice it and See..
But You Mean The World.. No You Are My World.. You Complete Me..
I Can't Eat, Sleee because I Breathe You..
I Want Us To Work This Out, But I Need You..
I Will Do Anything to Show You.. I Am All In..
I Will Apologize As Many Times as I Can..
To Make You Understand..
I Took You For Granted..
And If You Love Me Like I Love You.. Then You Believe in Our Love and 2nd Chances..

If I Had A Dollar..

Some Days I Feel Like Life is Way Too Precious.. Too Priceless..
The Price That We Pay To Survive.. In This Environment..
To Create.. To Design..
A Life That We Can Call Our Own..
That Space Inside Your Mind.. That you Occupy.. That You Call Home..
You Start To Think..
More Or Less Rethink..
You Question.. Alternative Motives..
We All Know That A House is Where Your Heart should be.. So Our Hearts Began To Show Us..
Like What If..
What If I Had A Dollar For Every time It Was You I Missed..
If I Had A Dollar For Everytime I Told U To Leave and Never Comeback When I Meant Stay and Visit..
What If I Had A Dollar For The Times I Touched My Lips.. And Could Still Feel Yours When We Kissed..
What If I Had 4 Quarters For Every Season..
A Quarter.. Closing My Eyes and Wishing It Would Fall.. So I Could Have A Reason..
To Let The Other 25 Percent.. Would Melt Away Ur Cold Heart in The Wintertime..
The Other Quarter.. Would Spring To Your Side..
The Last Quarter I Would Give To The Summer..
Just To Re-live Laying Next To You.. Watching The Sun Set Down Under..
While Still Giving You Your Space To Breathe..
Giving You Everything You Want.. So One Day You Will Need Me..
If I Had A Dollar..10 Dimes..
For Every time..
You Built A Bridge and Crossed My Mind..
If I Had A Dollar.. 20 Nickles..
Anytime A Song Came On That Reminded Me Of You.. It Became a Ripple..
Affect..
Cause and Effect..
Love A Song Comes On..
And I Realize That My Love For You Isn't Gone..
It's Just Buried.. Hidden.. Stored In Boxes Labeled..
Proceed With Caution.. And If I Was Willing and Able..
I Wished That I Had A Hundred Pennies.. For Every Time..
You Crossed My Mind..
And Never Left..
Every Time That I Wanted to Call You.. And I Stopped Myself..
It Seems Like All The Money in The World.. is Priceless.. Invalid..
The Point That You Tried to Prove In My Life.. Made You Valid..
If I Had a Dollar.. I Would Use It To Make You See..
Change is Inevitable..
And No Matter How Dimes, Nickels, Quarters, or Pennies.. Come Around.. You're The Only One That I Choose to Hold On To Forever..