Dedicated to my Mommy..

Evangelist Betty King
Feburary 05, 1951 - May 08, 2021

You used to say that we will miss you when you're gone..
Our house will never again feel like home...
In memory of...
I miss your love...
I miss your lessons...
The many questions...
Your laughter...
The kisses that you always wanted and asked for...
The patience you displayed...
The Chinese movies you loved to play...
The little things...
The joy you bring...
The way you called my phone...
Motivating me when I felt alone...
The way you would sing to me...
The peace you gave to me...
Your innocence...
Your unconditional love for us...
The voice messages you left me...
The times you would lay with me...
You helped me fight my many battles with anxiety...
The way you smelled...
The way you would say "Jesus would always prevail..."
I love you...
The role model you grew up to be...
The way you always took care of me...
Your beautiful voice...
The harmonies we would sing on our drives from work...
The Sunday's reserved for church...
The days where we would just lay around and be lazy...
You would say, "No matter how old you are, you will always be my baby..."
You were one of my closet friends...
I can still hear your "Praise the Lord and Amen..."
I still can feel your presence and energy...
Telling me that you will always be with me...
Even on Earth... We could all see your halo...
I will always love and cherish you...
I hope that God is up there taking care of you...
I know Mommy that God has gained another angel...
-Your baby girl, Nina B

Vulnerability

This seems dangerous for me..
To show complete vulnerability..
Admit that I can Love you in any capacity..
I love the way you mentally stimpulate me..
Knowing that this could potentially..
Break Me..
Telling you this could geninuely..
Take Me..
As I cry when I write this..
The tears serve as positive affirmations..
That I can feel pain..
And I can't take being hurt again..
I try to open up about past experiences..
Triggering moments..
I devoted myself to the wrong ones..
I guess you win some and you lose some..
And I apologize if this poem doesn't rhymne..
It's just depressing thoughts that run through my mind..
I don't know what love is..
Unlike other people.. I pride myself on being honest..
This poem was supposed to be about love..
But Fuck it.. I'm an emotional thug..
These tears got me so fucked up.. Periodt..
Save it..
So yes, I'm toxic..
I replaced love with lust.. So I sin..
I'm sinner who wants redemption..
My past transgressions..
My sinful lessons..
We all could use some direction..
So when you ignore me..
With no warning..
Stop trying..
You can't see crying..
If I make a effort.. to be there..
To show you that I truly care..
Be honest with me..
Tell me that I'm not a priority..
Don't string me along..
Tell me what's wrong..
Give me the benefit..
And give me a chance to fix it..
So we can be friends again..
Love is inevitable..
I just hate to be exposed..
I hate being vulnerable..

Girl Like Me

You know what being a good girl has got me..
Nothing but heartache.. Bad Memories..
So I joined the Bad Girls club.. Stacked up bodies..
I attract good guys with my toxic abilities..
And being a good girl entices assholes with narcissist tendencies..
I can't win for losing..
And when these niggas be choosing..
I just want to be loved for being a girl like me..
Manifest me..
At 1:11.. Think of me..
So I wait patiently..
For love to be effortlessly..
But that's not what you want.. Not sure of what you need..
So I have to create this false identity..
Pretend to match your energy..
Care only about my looks..
Be like the women that you like on facebook..
Pretend I'm just like these insecure bitches..
Be like the hoes that you see on social media who want attention..
Be like the girls who pictures you like on the gram..
I refuse to be anything other than who I am..
Tweet like the girls who are clearly your type..
Pretend that you're always right..
Be submissive..
Baby I'm realistic..
Men are so ridiculous..
Still looking for rhinestones when you have diamonds in your face..
I can't relate..
Overlook a real women for these bitches.. Are you kidding me..
Constantly saying that you want a girl like me.. Seriously..
But me and the other girls don't compare..
I'm rare..
I'm a ride or die..
I'm honest.. And I can't lie..
I will try..
To make you smile even when you make me cry..
I'll be your biggest fan..
True supporter.. Do whatever I can..
To be loyal to the end..
Trust you..
Love you..
When you don't even love yourself.. Genuine..
I'll be your best friend..
But you don't deserve me..
Because you ignore me..
You gone make a hoe outta of me..
So you get the toxic me..
Via tweets..
Sneaky links..
You complain that all girls are the same..
No accountability.. constantly blame..
Everyone.. Anyone.. That listens..
Look in the mirror.. And in those frequent visits..
Ask yourself do you deserve a girl like me.. And if the answer is no.. Then change the image..
Be honest about your feelings..
Because honestly..
To deserve a girl like me..
You gone have to prove that you're worthy of me..