Don't Judge Me..

If You Listen Very Closely.. You Can Hear What Seems to Be A Heartbeat..
Despite My Many Adversity..
And It Hasn't Been The Same Since The Last Time I Faced Intimacy..
Nevertheless It's Steady..
But I Doubt That It Will Ever Beat Like It Used Too..
Those Butterflies That Comes With That Feeling.. Of Completion..
The Perfect Combination.. Of Love and Happiness.. Some How I'm Missing The Right Ingredients..
I've Been Told That Love is Not For The Faint Of Heart..
Those Weary of Being Hurt.. Living Off Bad Decisions and Bitter Judgment..
Sometimes Requires Them to Question Every Intent..
If I Tried to Listen to My Heart.. Try To Understand Love and Life..
The Mind Compels Us To React On Instincts..
I've Hurt.. I've Spent Endless Nights Questioning My Existence..
Thinking This Time Was Different..
Struggling With My Opinions..
Got Harder to Tell Fact From Fiction..
I Searched For The Right One..
I Looked For Love.. Longed For Affection.. But It Seemed Like I Only Found Depression..
Heartache.. After Heartache.. Not To Mention..
Looking For Love in All The Wrong Places.. Went Against My Better Judgment.. And My Intuition..
I Dreamed About The Perfect Individual..
Tried to Remain Optimistic..
Had to Realize That Everyone Has Flaws.. So Looking For The Perfect Someone.. Seemed Unrealistic..
I Had Demands.. Standards For Myself.. So The Person That Was Meant For Me Should Have The Same Characteristics..
I Meet People.. I date..
I don't want to get married or be in relationshit situations so I guess it's just a love-hate..
I tell my secrets.. I like to cuddle.. I love when someone plays in my hair..
I like to fall a sleep on the phone with someone when they can't physically be there..
I hate love.. but I want someone to love me..
Either you can or you can't relate.. but please don't judge me..

Flaws and All..

... I Hate People.. I Hate Humans.. I Hate Anything That Breathes..
I Confuse My Dying Wants with My Untimely Needs..
I Try to Be Perfect..
And Most Often I Feel Like People Aren't Worth It..
I've Been Hurt..
I'd Be A Lie If I Didn't Say My Name Has Been Dragged Through The Dirt..
At This Very Moment I Couldn't Possibly Sit Here and Tell You That I Know My Worth..
I Have A Huge Problem With Trust..
Issues with Liars.. I Despise The Term Us..
I Used to be So Innocent..
Out Spoken, Free Will, Nice, Lovable, and Just Brilliant..
Funny How A Few Words Can Tear Down A Whole Foundation of Words Ever Built..
Funny How One Person Can Break Down A Wall Of Love That Hundreds Of People Healed..
Now I Feel so Damaged..
All Those Years That I Built This Image..
The Old Me, She Was So Fierce and Fearless..
The New Me, Well She Feel So Useless..
At This Point She Feel Like it's Hopeless..
To Change and Try to Cope With This..
She Felt Like.. She Could Never Be Loved..
She Will Never be Looked At As This Strong Women Anymore.. So She Will Let You Be The Judge..
*Shrugs*

Karma Killed Me..

As a Stand Looking at You... Face to Face....
Your Stare is So Cold and I wish I was Anywhere but Here... Any Place...
Anywhere Time.. I hear You.. But My Mind is Back tracking.. Walking backwards Out of the Door..
And Out of the Shower... And I See You Laying So Peacefully.. Waiting for Me.. Praying that I Don't Do it Anymore...
Hoping out of the Car... Driving back for Her... Holding Her.. Telling Her that I love Him.. Thinking of You... Looking at Her.. But Loving You More...
Loving You.. But Kissing Her.. Being One with Her.. Spending Time with Her... Before..
And After... I Call and Say.. I'm at Work.. Running Late.. Traffic.. Trains.. and Planes.. All Hindering Me From this Look... Your Patience Running.. Away..
I wish with Her.. I could Stay..
But My Loyalty is with You...
And You Ask why Can't I stay Faithful, Stay True...
I want to Say Because I'm Not Sure.. If it's with You.. I want to be With.. Because You Hurt Me.. Because You Lied...
But all that Could Come Out of My Mouth is... Karma is a Bitch.. You Played Me.. So in Return I make You Cry..
Make You Feel.. The Pain I Recioprate.. The Actions.. And Show You How it Feels... To Miss Me..
Need Me.. Breathe Me.. Baby Please Believe Me.. I Just Don't Want You to Leave Me.. Kiss Me..
Tell Me You Love Me.... All the Things.. Sound Like De Ja Vue... You Stripped Me of My Happy.. I was Content with You..
Seeing You..
You Held My Heart Hostage... And I was Overwhelmed with Love... Content with "Ours" ....What we Had Is Now What we Need... Facing The Facts...
Had it that Way for a Time.. So I'm Back Walking, Back Pacing, Back Tracking, I'm Backwards..
Waiting For You To Reply.. But The Mood is Silenced.. And Awkward..
Your Eyes Say Things That Your Mouth Can't Formulate..
Because You Can Truly Relate..
In The Back of Your Mind.. Heavy Thoughts..
Trying to Struggle... But With Every Step..
You Losing Your Breath..
Hard To Breathe..

Lost..

My Path is Unclear and Although I can't escape this..
Everyone Tells Me That I'm Special and Destined For Greatness..
I Don't See What They See..
When I Look Into The Mirror.. I See Me..
I See Someone Who Has Dreams, Goals, Aspirations..
Someone Who Just Wants To Make Her Parents Proud..
Make Every Trials and Tribulations that She Has Ever Been Through Worth It..
They Say.. Pray.. Listen To your Heart.. Believe In yourself..
She Believes..
She Sees..
But She's Deceived..
She's Been Deceived..
Fought in Spiritual Warfare with herself..
Compromised her Integrity..
Battled Herself in An All Out.. No guts No Glory..
She Reads.. She Writes For Everyone Else But She Can't Seem To Finish her story..
Most Of The Time She's Tired.. Tired of Fighting.. It Becomes So Tiresome..
She Know That One Day Her Battle Will Be Won So.. But to Some..
She is Admired..
She's Praised.. Looked At.. And Often Inspires..
She Gives Hope, she gives Advice..
People Look To Her.. Because From The Outside Looking In.. She Has It All Together.. She Has The Best Life..
But From The Inside.. She's Unstable..
Not In The Sense Of Being Crazy.. She Just Enables..
Gives Herself The Pep Talk that She Needs..
She's Relieved.. She's intrigued..
She Knows That Life Isn't Promised..
And To Be Perfectly Honest..
She's Afraid.. Terrified..
Because She Can't Make Sense Of Her life.. Her Reason To Live.. Her Reason To Try..
She wants to know her purpose in this life.. And deep down inside..
She's Jaded..
Outside She's So Loved but Inside She's Hated..
She Confused..
Her Own Trust.. She's Abused..
Followed Her Heart.. When She Should Have Followed Her Mind..
She Can't See the Change.. It's like the Blind leading the Blind..
She's Alone.. And That's Her Own Fault..
Misguided.. Going in Circles.. Trying to find the Truth.. At Any Cost.. ..
Failing to Read The Warning Signs.. So She's at the Point of No Return.. She Looks around to see that she's Lost..