Conflicted..

... I'm Hopelessly in Love With The Notion of Being Single Forever..
I Know That Forever is A Long Time.. But I Don't See It That Way.. And When I Say Never..
I Mean Ever..
I envision love as this little seed just wanting to evolve..
No Matter The Circumstances.. Getting love involved..
And When I Mean Involved.. I Simply Mean.. I never want to Fall..
In Love.. With Love.. Even Be Near Love.. At All..
I Don't Even Want to Get The Feelings.. Leave Any Room For Those Feelings to Grow..
Plant Those Thoughts Into My Mind.. And Allow Them to Bloom..
My heart is a dark and cold place.. For Growth.. I literally have no room..
I Don't Even Want to Put Up With People's Shit.. To Even Fertilize Those Things.. Enough to Nurture..
I Don't Want to Cry Over Anything or Anyone Enough To Water Those Ideas.. Love is Torture..
I Can't Even Sit Back and Watch The Horror..
For If Those Feelings Ever Grow to Become Strong Roots and when I Can't Cut Them Out.. I Swear I'll Be A Goner..
But Yet In Still I'm Conflicted..
I've stared love in the face and resisted..
Because Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Not in A Great Place to Want Someone..
I Know That I Don't Need Anyone..
To Comfort Me..
If Ever Anyone Challenged My Beliefs and Give Chance to Confront Me..
About My Feelings.. My Idea That Love won't live here..
I'm not a giver of Love... Mentally I'm not there....
How am I supposed to take care of Love.. It'so fragile....
The pressure to do the right things at the wrong times.. It's hard to handle....
Now sex is different....
I could never be conflicted....
Sex isn't feelings....
And I only have to listen....
The passion that I'm inflicting....
And if I'm doing it right.. The pleasure is endless....
I love a grower and when I plant the seeds of lust....
It's my garden so I have to control the nut....
I don't have to focus on love..I only focus on the way our lips touch....
Love isn't a tool....
That you have to use....
Until.. Lust turns into Love....
Open Eyes Kissing and Lingering Hugs..
I just wanted to be a sex drug....
Love is a Conflicitng image...
It Dishearten my spirit...
Oh Love is different...
Love is a beautiful.. If you care to listen...
I can never seem to learn it's lyrics...
And I finally memorize the contents.. I get hit with the remix...
A newer version of the same shit.. Now I'm in different...
Conflicted...
What am I missing...
Conflicted...
At least sex is consistent....
Conflicted...