Wonder

I wonder how I'm perceived...
Am I a beautiful mess.. And if you stare too long.. Can you start to see my insecurities...
Does my eyes show the vulnerability in me...
Are you looking at the potential in me...
You are what you attract.. So you're as damaged as me...
I want you to honestly look at me.. Not with lenses filled with lust.. I want to really see me...
Use that same energy that you used to compliment me...
To be perfectly honest with me...
Can you see that I can't take being hurt from anybody...
I tend to show no signs of fear or jealousy...
Can you see past the person that I am and see the person that I'm meant to be...

I wonder if we're meant to have a second chance...
You were never in my plans....
Honestly I was just a fan....
Admired you from a distance....
Thoughts of you were fantasies.. Never realistic....
And you had all the genuine nigga characteristics....
I felt your presence.. Truly gifted....
The way you wrapped your intentions with words.. Every text was a present.. You spoke to my innocence....
The skeptic in me.. Wants to believe...
The vibe is real.. And trust your feelings for me...
I want to match your energy...

I wonder if our love will last...
I wanted that love that my parents have and grandparents had...
But I believe that generational curses exist...
Maybe that's why I tend to speak in the past tense...
Love clearly skipped me...
Maybe it's my outlook that made Love overlook me...
Often my wonders turn into worries...
30 something.. Life is an amazing gift.. Celebrating and Love still isn't present.. You seriously have nothing for me...
Love, what else do you need from me...
Honestly...

I wonder if settling down means settling...
I mean realistically...
I believe in manifesting...
And I swear the universe is testing me...
Trying to see If I will wait patiently...
For The man of my dreams...
Baby.. Listen to me...
She is making it hard for me...
Giving me what I want.. Instead of what I truly need...
And I'm trying to resist her temptation...So I can say I'm yours faithfully..

I wonder if I'm what you really need...
The lover in me.. Fights for what I believe...
And I believe in us.. Wholeheartedly...
If you're meant for me...
You're come back to me...
The spirit is strong.. But the flesh is weak...
Often, I sit up wondering if love is truly for me...