New Beginnings...

As I Lay Next To You..
Wondering If You Feel The Same Way I Do..
I Can't Help But Question My Decisions...
You And I Was Never Something That I Invisioned..
I'm So Skeptic..
Trying To Hide My Fears.. Wondering If You Can Detect It..
When You Kiss Me..
When You Say That You Miss Me..
Are You Serious..
When You Say You Only Have Eyes For Me.. One Wonders If Your Eyes Are Still Curious..
I'm My Best Critic..
I Know That I Shouldn't Be Thinking Of Ways To Walk Away Before We Get Too Serious..
Shouldn't Be Over-Analyzing Us.. Trying Not To See The Big Picture.. I Shouldn't Focus On The What If's Of Our Plans..
But I Am..
And When You Hold My Hand..
A Part Of Me Wants To Let It Go..
And Scream No..
I Can't Be Hurt Again..
I Can Not Be Just Friends..
When I'm Too Far In..
When I Fall.. When I Open That Door..
Will You Catch Me.. Be Waiting.. Wanting More..
So I Lay With You..
In A Bed Of Doubt.. Pillows Of Insecurities..
And As I Watch You Sleep So Comfortably..
Like You're Used To All Of These Feelings..
I Toss And Turn.. Unable To See.. My Soul Won't Let Me Sleep Willingly..
Just Staring At The Ceiling.. Pitch Dark.. But The Lights Are On In My Head.. Not Knowing What To Do..
So I Watch You..
Sleep..
Dream..
When I Close My Eyes..
Asking Myself Why..
I Can't Let Go Of The Past..
And Why It's Been Hindering Me.. From Making Everything In The Future Last..
I Don't Want To Get Too Attached..
And Have To Trade It All Back..
For Heartache..
Letting My Past Mistakes..
Get The Best of Me..
And As You Sleep..
Apart Of Me.. Wants To Get Up And Run..
Begging That The Sun..
Raises..
And When You Open Your Eyes.. It's..
Time To Say Goodbye..
Go Back To What I'm Used Too..
Pure Solitude..
Being Along With My Thoughts..
I Wish That I Could Draw..
You A Map To My Heart..
And Even When I Feel Like Our Feelings Are The Same.. Our Intentions Are Miles Apart..
It Seems Like Nothing Else Really Matters.. When We're Together..
Kinda Scary.. Liking These Feelings.. Wondering If They Could Last Forever..
Some How.. The Doubts Sinks In..
Frustration..
It's Like I Feel You Inside Of Me Without Any Penetration..
Without Any Authorization..
You Use Me..
And At The Same Time.. Confuse Me..
Not Knowing How Far This Will Go..
So Quick To Judge You.. Without Even Getting To Know..
You..
Knowing That This is Not Something That I'm Used Too..
And I'm To Blame..
My Faults.. My Fears.. Convicts You.. So Even If You're Different.. To Me.. You All Are The Same..
You Introduce Yourself..
Seducing Me Through Sex..
And Then It's On To The Next..
So Before We Go Any Further.. I Have To Put My Emotions In Check..
I Know That You Say That You're Different..
So When You Talk About Us.. I Try To Listen..
You Ask For My Opinion..
My Honesty.. More Like My Vulnerablity is Always Mentioned..
*Silence*
And I Feel Like I'm In The Wrong For Being Honest..
You Say..
That You Love The Way..
Nothing Too Specific Thing.. Just You Love It..
And You Make A Promise..
To Give Me As Much Of Yourself As I Give To You..
And As Long As We Share And Have An Understanding That This is An Equal Thing.. I Have Nothing To Worry About.. I'll Belong To You..
And You To Me..
And The Rest is History..
Again.. Worry Sinks In..
Worrying About.. The Time That I Will Put In..
Is Time That I Will Never Get Back..
Investing In Us.. When In Fact..
I Panic..
I Don't Think That I Can Handle It..
I'm So Scared..
So I'll Say I Don't Care..
When In Reality.. I Really Do..
Say That I Know What I Want.. When In Reality.. I Have No Clue..
So Please Forgive Me..
Because I Do Not Know What I Do.. As You Can See..
I Guess I Can't Focus On The Risk..
If I'm Not Even Willing To Experience The Trip..
So I'll Just Lay Down..
And When The Sun Does Come Around..
It's Happiness And Forgiveness For The Past.. I Hope That's What It's Bringing..
So I'll Just Kiss You And Try To Get Some Sleep.. As You Hold Me.. Knowing We Have Us... A New Beginning..

The Dilemma...

It's So Simple.. But The Answer is Never The Answer That We Want..
They Say Listen To Your Heart..
Listen To Your Mind But Mostly Listen To The Way Your Heart Beats..
Find The Common Ground To Where The Two Meet..
But How Can You Listen To Something That Is Broken..
And My Thoughts Were Stolen..
My Mind is Vacant..
Which Was Once A Place Full Of Memories and Beautiful Pictures of Our Love Faces..
Is Now A Dark Empty Room.. Full Of Empty Spaces..
And For A Minute I Thought That Would Be My Future..
Until She Showed Up.. Those Things That I Was Used Too..
With Her.. Now This Other One.. She..
Has A Presence.. She Likes Me..
But I Can't Stop Thinking About Her..
And The Way That We Were..
But She is So Different..
I Mean They Both Listen..
They Both Pay Attention..
They Both Have A Habit Of Making Me Question My Exist..
But It's Something About Her That Pushes Me To My Limits..
I Mean I Love Her.. But I Also Think That I Like She..
So I Question She's Intentions..
By Paying She A Couple Of Visits..
Give She A Couple Of Minutes..
But I Don't Want To Get Caught Up In It..
When Me And Her Hasn't Truly Ended..
I Mean We've Said Our Good-Byes..
But I'll Be A Lie..
If I Said.. That I Truly Didn't Miss It..
Me And Her..
And What Makes It Worst..
She Is In The Picture.
And As Perfect As The Picture Maybe.. I Still Think Of Her..
I Mean I Can't Blame Myself For Leaving Her.. I Had To Push Myself Away..
To Understand The Present Tense Of Why My Feelings Can't Stay..
I'd Be Lying To Myself If I Said That She Doesn't Have A Place..
And The Times When I Feel Like I Need Her.. I Think Of Her Face..
The Ways..
The Days..
When We Were So Happy..
Her And I.. And I Have Her To Thank.. For The New Way That She Has Me..
But The Dilemma Kicks In..
Because With Her.. I Will Always Be Friends..
And Sometimes It Hard To Say That I Don't Want Her.. Anymore..
And It's Hard To Close Those Chapters.. Even Harder To Shut The Door..
And Realize That When I Change The Locks..
That I Will Never Get Back.. What We Had.. What Her and I Got..
And The Times When I Say I Want Something New..
She Came Along.. And Helped Me Through..
She.. Tries.. To Change My Mind..
To Come Behind..
And Try To Clean Up The Mess That Was Me..
And If It Wasn't For Her.. I Wouldn't Need She..
Lord Knows She Came Right On Time..
So She Should Never See Pain Or Feel Heartache..
From Her and I Previous Mistakes..
And I Couldn't Live With Myself..
And I Know I Shouldn't Talk To She About Her.. But I Can't Help It..
Her And I.. Were Magic..
And I Think That She Knows..
How Hard It Is For Me To Let Her Go..
And I Respect She So Much..
For Even Being Apart Of The Situation.. Picking Me Up When I Was Sick Of Falling In Love..
My Love For Her.. Has Me At A Disadvantage..
So I Say If Things Are Meant To Happen Between She And I.. Who Am I To Challenge..
And She Opened My Eyes..
To A New Life..
I Can't Say That I'm Surprised..
But I Don't Want She To Sacrifice..
Or Feel Like She Will Never Win With Me Because Let's Face It Her Already Had The Prize..
Dilemma.. I Have To Realize..
Don't Want To Feel Like I Have To Choose..
Or Feel Like I'm Trying To Compare The Two..
So What Am I To Do..
When All I Ever Knew..
Was Her..
Her Touch..
Her Love..
What Am I To Do..
When She Touches Me..
When She Says She Likes Me..
When She Wants Me..
Searching For A Simple Answer..
The Question.. Do I Still Want Her..
Am I Willing To Find Out Where She..
And I Leads..
Dilemma.. Questions.. So Many Questions..
Which One Is The Curse.. Which One Is The Blessing..
I Mean.. I Needs Answers.. I Need Advice..
I Need To Know.. To Stay Here With Her.. Or Move On With She In My Life..
I Love Her.. But She.. I'm Liking Her Too..
What Am I To Do..
*Sighs*

Leave Me With My Memories

Every Time..
You Say That You've Made Up Your Mind..
That You're Tired..
Tired Of Me..
Tired Of The Imaginary Boundaries..
Tired of The Lines..
Drawn..
Tired Of The Lack Of Interest..
The Questions..
Tired Of My Actions..
My Reactions..
Tired Of My Answers..
You Telling Me That I'm Slowly Killing You.. A Bomb.. Ticking.. Just Like Cancer..
My Love.. Breaks You Down..
Nothing Positive.. Mostly Negative.. Whenever I Come Around..
Funny.. I Thought.. Everything Was Cool..
Maybe I Am The Fool..
Doing Eerything That You Answer.. Just To Make Sure That You're Pleased...
With Me..
Every Opportunity..
That I Ceased..
Was To Make Us Better.. And Now You Want To Leave..
And Even If I Promised..
To Be More Honest..
Than I've Ever Been..
To Continue To Reply.. We Really Just Need To Be Friends..
This Space.. Time To Test The Water.. Well I Hope You Drown..
I Hope That While You're Looking For Someone To Save You.. You Look Around..
To See That There is Nobody To Be Found..
I Hope The Water.. Crushes You..
And The Lust..
For Life..
Brings You Death..
And I'll Never Wish Bad On Anyone But I Wish That Somethind Else..
Takes You.. Takes Over You..
The Thing That Allows You To Question My Intentions..
Every Visit..
It's Always Something Different..
Screaming For Me To Listen..
Yelling For Me To Pay Attention..
I Tune Out.. Black Out.. Spazz..
And The After Math..
Is Tears..
Because No Matter How Much I Open Up.. I'm Not Being Real..
In You're Eyes..
So I Apologize..
Man I Can Win For Losing..
And Can't Lose For Winning.. And If It's You I'm Choosing..
What's More Important..
Not Knowing Your Worth.. Or Losing Mine.. Is It Really Worth It..
The Times When It Felt Like Magic..
We're Happy.. And Then You Start To Wave Your Hands.. And There You Have It..
It Disappears..
And Reappears..
Whenever You Feel Like.. The Coast is Clear..
The Arguments..
The Judgments..
The Way You Used to Look At Me.. You've Lost Your Innocence..
So You Charge Me With Criminal Intention..
Complain About Things..Like You See The Future..
Was Once Stuck In The Past..
Bitter About Things And People In Your Life That Didn't Last..
So When Talk Of The Present Comes Up..
Just Like A Full Cup..
U Spill..
Until It All Becomes Vivid..
We Have To End This..
And When I Can't Get You Out Of My Head..
I Can't Even Force Myself To Get Out Of Bed..
Laying With My Thoughts..
Sleeping With Memories..
Praying That You Don't Wake Me..
Or I Would Be Forces to Deal With Reality..
Interact With Your Personality..
And Personally..
I Would Rather.. Dream..
Wishing You Could Stay That Way Forever..
In My Dreams.. We Are Togther..
You Don't Stress Me..
You Don't Depress Me..
You Complete Me..
In My Dreams.. You Need Me..
You Believe Me..
When I Say I Love You..
You Smile And Say I Love You Too..
My Memories Are All I Have Right Now..
You Used To Be Worth The While..
Worth The Time And The Effort..
And In Any Efforts..
You Can't Say That I'm Not Trying..
And You've Be Lying..
If You're Saying That We Didn't Have It..
Before All The People In Your Ear.. Feeding You That Bullshit..
And Every Time You Eat.. Cleaning The Plate..
Scraping.. Luckily Your Fingers and The Plate..
Instant Mood Change.. When I See Your Face..
No I'm Not Trying To Replace You..
Not Trying To Erase..
The Memories..
But You Just Tendency..
To Push Me To My Limits..
Question Our Time Together.. And Why I even Spend It..
When I Should Save It..
Why Even Have It..
Reaching Out Your Hands To Me.. Thinking Why Should I Even Grab It..
Want Me On My Knees..
Begging.. Graveling.. Pleading..
For Another Chance..
For Another Pass.. One More Advance..
For Advice..
For Reasons To Keep Me In Your Life..
But The Answer is So Simple.. So Easy..
I Need To Let Go..
And If You Really Do Leave Me.. I'll Take My Heart.. My Mind.. My Essence.. My Soul..
And If That's The Case..
Take It.. Take It All..
But I Want To Be Able To Recall..
I Want To Be Able To Go Back.. To The First Day.. I Met You..
Loved You.. Held You.. Thought That This Would Last..
Made The Decision.. To Slow Down.. When I Felt Like My Love Was Moving To Fast..
I Want To Remember You Calling..
You Texting..
When I Wasn't Questioning Or Second Guessing..
Anything..
Whenever My Phone Would Ring..
How I Prayed It Was You..
Looking Back Now.. I'll Be Lucky If I Get A Text Or Too..
So Yes.. Take All You Need To Take Away From Me..
But Please Before You Say That Final Good-bye.. Just Leave Me With My Memories..