New Beginnings...

As I Lay Next To You..
Wondering If You Feel The Same Way I Do..
I Can't Help But Question My Decisions...
You And I Was Never Something That I Invisioned..
I'm So Skeptic..
Trying To Hide My Fears.. Wondering If You Can Detect It..
When You Kiss Me..
When You Say That You Miss Me..
Are You Serious..
When You Say You Only Have Eyes For Me.. One Wonders If Your Eyes Are Still Curious..
I'm My Best Critic..
I Know That I Shouldn't Be Thinking Of Ways To Walk Away Before We Get Too Serious..
Shouldn't Be Over-Analyzing Us.. Trying Not To See The Big Picture.. I Shouldn't Focus On The What If's Of Our Plans..
But I Am..
And When You Hold My Hand..
A Part Of Me Wants To Let It Go..
And Scream No..
I Can't Be Hurt Again..
I Can Not Be Just Friends..
When I'm Too Far In..
When I Fall.. When I Open That Door..
Will You Catch Me.. Be Waiting.. Wanting More..
So I Lay With You..
In A Bed Of Doubt.. Pillows Of Insecurities..
And As I Watch You Sleep So Comfortably..
Like You're Used To All Of These Feelings..
I Toss And Turn.. Unable To See.. My Soul Won't Let Me Sleep Willingly..
Just Staring At The Ceiling.. Pitch Dark.. But The Lights Are On In My Head.. Not Knowing What To Do..
So I Watch You..
Sleep..
Dream..
When I Close My Eyes..
Asking Myself Why..
I Can't Let Go Of The Past..
And Why It's Been Hindering Me.. From Making Everything In The Future Last..
I Don't Want To Get Too Attached..
And Have To Trade It All Back..
For Heartache..
Letting My Past Mistakes..
Get The Best of Me..
And As You Sleep..
Apart Of Me.. Wants To Get Up And Run..
Begging That The Sun..
Raises..
And When You Open Your Eyes.. It's..
Time To Say Goodbye..
Go Back To What I'm Used Too..
Pure Solitude..
Being Along With My Thoughts..
I Wish That I Could Draw..
You A Map To My Heart..
And Even When I Feel Like Our Feelings Are The Same.. Our Intentions Are Miles Apart..
It Seems Like Nothing Else Really Matters.. When We're Together..
Kinda Scary.. Liking These Feelings.. Wondering If They Could Last Forever..
Some How.. The Doubts Sinks In..
Frustration..
It's Like I Feel You Inside Of Me Without Any Penetration..
Without Any Authorization..
You Use Me..
And At The Same Time.. Confuse Me..
Not Knowing How Far This Will Go..
So Quick To Judge You.. Without Even Getting To Know..
You..
Knowing That This is Not Something That I'm Used Too..
And I'm To Blame..
My Faults.. My Fears.. Convicts You.. So Even If You're Different.. To Me.. You All Are The Same..
You Introduce Yourself..
Seducing Me Through Sex..
And Then It's On To The Next..
So Before We Go Any Further.. I Have To Put My Emotions In Check..
I Know That You Say That You're Different..
So When You Talk About Us.. I Try To Listen..
You Ask For My Opinion..
My Honesty.. More Like My Vulnerablity is Always Mentioned..
*Silence*
And I Feel Like I'm In The Wrong For Being Honest..
You Say..
That You Love The Way..
Nothing Too Specific Thing.. Just You Love It..
And You Make A Promise..
To Give Me As Much Of Yourself As I Give To You..
And As Long As We Share And Have An Understanding That This is An Equal Thing.. I Have Nothing To Worry About.. I'll Belong To You..
And You To Me..
And The Rest is History..
Again.. Worry Sinks In..
Worrying About.. The Time That I Will Put In..
Is Time That I Will Never Get Back..
Investing In Us.. When In Fact..
I Panic..
I Don't Think That I Can Handle It..
I'm So Scared..
So I'll Say I Don't Care..
When In Reality.. I Really Do..
Say That I Know What I Want.. When In Reality.. I Have No Clue..
So Please Forgive Me..
Because I Do Not Know What I Do.. As You Can See..
I Guess I Can't Focus On The Risk..
If I'm Not Even Willing To Experience The Trip..
So I'll Just Lay Down..
And When The Sun Does Come Around..
It's Happiness And Forgiveness For The Past.. I Hope That's What It's Bringing..
So I'll Just Kiss You And Try To Get Some Sleep.. As You Hold Me.. Knowing We Have Us... A New Beginning..