Please Don't Make me Cry

You know that I am self-concious..
So when you break your promises..
When you aren't honest..
You put me in fucked up positions..
And I have to listen..
I have to envision..
Pay attention..
Tears..
Slowly forming in my eyes..
You better not cry..
And you better not fall for his lies..

Why do you do this to me..
Fuck me up mentally..
Blame my insecurities..
Whenever I catch you in a lie..
You said you will never cry..
Again.. So why are tears swelling in your eyes..
I can taste the sadness.. I've been here before..
In Circles..
These damn Tears..
Falling..
I keep putting my all in..

Again..
Where have you been..
Who were you with..
Tell me.. I promise I won't trip..
Who is she..
It can't just be me..
Please tell me..
I promise I won't flip..
Tears..
Water flowing from my eyes..
You promised that you wouldn't lie..
Anymore.. Cries..

Let me see your phone..
If you were home alone..
Then prove it..
If no.. Then who did you visit..
You promised that this time would be different..
Tears..
But something is different..
Instead of listening..
Tripping..
I guess I'm just finally tired of the lies..
The tears won't fall from my eyes..
All I asked was please don't make me cry..

The Sweetest Thing

It's Like You Understand Me..
The Way You Read Me.. Comprehend Me..
Studied Me.. Just To Ace My Test..
I know that at first.. I made it so hard but you tried your best..
Offering solutions to every argument and fight..
You make sure that you Get every Question Right..
You Give Life to Every Word..
And When You Speak.. I Swear I Overheard..
Your Voice..So calming In my Mind..
So When You Tell Me Not Worry.. Everything Will Be Fine..
I Believe You..
And Times When U Feel Like Nobody Pays Attention.. I See You..
The Efforts.. The Little Things..
That Means..
So Much..
And So What..
If Others Can't See What I See..
What do they have to do with You and Me..
You And I..
I can see the Promise Land in your eyes..
And we continue down that path..
I Will Never Need Math..
I'll Never Subtract..
Or hold your flaws against you.. Regardless of what you lack..
Or take away your love supply..
I can't wait until our families Multiply..
Regardless of the situation..
I will never Add Anyone Else To Our Equation..
I know that people will try to come between us to Divide ..
And if they try..
We have nothing to hide..
I Never Have To Question Your Intentions..
Praising the creator for your Invention..
And it's the Sweetest things that you do..
You would rather chill with your girl than hang out with your crew..
You never get mad when I don't know what to eat.. You just smile and pick the food..
You hold me with the highest regard..
The way you spoil me..
The way you whisper baby..
Your touch gets me weak in the knees..
And I will do whatever it is to please..
You swear you manifested me..
It's the upmost respect for me..
You love me with every action shown..
You're the sweetest thing that I've ever known..

Wonder

I wonder how I'm perceived...
Am I a beautiful mess.. And if you stare too long.. Can you start to see my insecurities...
Does my eyes show the vulnerability in me...
Are you looking at the potential in me...
You are what you attract.. So you're as damaged as me...
I want you to honestly look at me.. Not with lenses filled with lust.. I want to really see me...
Use that same energy that you used to compliment me...
To be perfectly honest with me...
Can you see that I can't take being hurt from anybody...
I tend to show no signs of fear or jealousy...
Can you see past the person that I am and see the person that I'm meant to be...

I wonder if we're meant to have a second chance...
You were never in my plans....
Honestly I was just a fan....
Admired you from a distance....
Thoughts of you were fantasies.. Never realistic....
And you had all the genuine nigga characteristics....
I felt your presence.. Truly gifted....
The way you wrapped your intentions with words.. Every text was a present.. You spoke to my innocence....
The skeptic in me.. Wants to believe...
The vibe is real.. And trust your feelings for me...
I want to match your energy...

I wonder if our love will last...
I wanted that love that my parents have and grandparents had...
But I believe that generational curses exist...
Maybe that's why I tend to speak in the past tense...
Love clearly skipped me...
Maybe it's my outlook that made Love overlook me...
Often my wonders turn into worries...
30 something.. Life is an amazing gift.. Celebrating and Love still isn't present.. You seriously have nothing for me...
Love, what else do you need from me...
Honestly...

I wonder if settling down means settling...
I mean realistically...
I believe in manifesting...
And I swear the universe is testing me...
Trying to see If I will wait patiently...
For The man of my dreams...
Baby.. Listen to me...
She is making it hard for me...
Giving me what I want.. Instead of what I truly need...
And I'm trying to resist her temptation...So I can say I'm yours faithfully..

I wonder if I'm what you really need...
The lover in me.. Fights for what I believe...
And I believe in us.. Wholeheartedly...
If you're meant for me...
You're come back to me...
The spirit is strong.. But the flesh is weak...
Often, I sit up wondering if love is truly for me...

Apart Of Me..

Words Can't Describe.. My Motivation..
Those People Who Sponsored My Inspiration..
I've Had Better Days..
Plenty of Times.. Stuck in My Ways..
And When The Individual in The Mirror is So Too Unfamiliar..
I Look To My La Familia..
Understand.. If I Wasn't For My Dad..
Encouraging Me.. To Follow God's Plan..
And Then There's My Moms..
Where I'm Originally From..
Destined to Be Great From Her Womb..
You're So Quick To Assume..
Know That I Am My Brother's Keeper..
Taught Me How To Treat Her..
So If I Ever Meet Her..
My Sister Gets The Honorable Mention..
Because Through Her Suspension..
She's Still Here..
And At Times I May Not Show I Care..
The Love Will Always Be There...
That Means I'm Alone..
The Legacy Will Be Always Live On..
I Have a Nephew and Two Nieces..
The Real Blessings Is My Life.. And The Sole Reason Why I'm Breathing..
With All Love to My Nephew's Mother..
Even If We Aren't Technically Family.. I Love Her Like No Other..
And Where Would I Be If It Wasn't For My Grandmother..
I Swear The King Name.. Takes A On A Life of It's Own..
My Upbringing.. The I Have A Dream Speech.. Will Always Live On..
I Have Cousins.. We Keep Very Good Ties..
Johnsons.. Morgans.. Counts.. Jacksons.. And Always Loving The Hines..
The Olivers.. My Stanky Boo Boo...
Growing Up.. Seeing Him Mature.. A Part of Life I Have to Get Used Too..
And No Over Will Be Closer Than..
I Love My Other Family.. The Andersons..
Funny How Distance Changes Things..
Friends Become Strangers.
Know That It Ain't No Click..
Like The One I'm With..
And If It Was Evident....

Conflicted..

... I'm Hopelessly in Love With The Notion of Being Single Forever..
I Know That Forever is A Long Time.. But I Don't See It That Way.. And When I Say Never..
I Mean Ever..
I envision love as this little seed just wanting to evolve..
No Matter The Circumstances.. Getting love involved..
And When I Mean Involved.. I Simply Mean.. I never want to Fall..
In Love.. With Love.. Even Be Near Love.. At All..
I Don't Even Want to Get The Feelings.. Leave Any Room For Those Feelings to Grow..
Plant Those Thoughts Into My Mind.. And Allow Them to Bloom..
My heart is a dark and cold place.. For Growth.. I literally have no room..
I Don't Even Want to Put Up With People's Shit.. To Even Fertilize Those Things.. Enough to Nurture..
I Don't Want to Cry Over Anything or Anyone Enough To Water Those Ideas.. Love is Torture..
I Can't Even Sit Back and Watch The Horror..
For If Those Feelings Ever Grow to Become Strong Roots and when I Can't Cut Them Out.. I Swear I'll Be A Goner..
But Yet In Still I'm Conflicted..
I've stared love in the face and resisted..
Because Sometimes I Feel Like I'm Not in A Great Place to Want Someone..
I Know That I Don't Need Anyone..
To Comfort Me..
If Ever Anyone Challenged My Beliefs and Give Chance to Confront Me..
About My Feelings.. My Idea That Love won't live here..
I'm not a giver of Love... Mentally I'm not there....
How am I supposed to take care of Love.. It'so fragile....
The pressure to do the right things at the wrong times.. It's hard to handle....
Now sex is different....
I could never be conflicted....
Sex isn't feelings....
And I only have to listen....
The passion that I'm inflicting....
And if I'm doing it right.. The pleasure is endless....
I love a grower and when I plant the seeds of lust....
It's my garden so I have to control the nut....
I don't have to focus on love..I only focus on the way our lips touch....
Love isn't a tool....
That you have to use....
Until.. Lust turns into Love....
Open Eyes Kissing and Lingering Hugs..
I just wanted to be a sex drug....
Love is a Conflicitng image...
It Dishearten my spirit...
Oh Love is different...
Love is a beautiful.. If you care to listen...
I can never seem to learn it's lyrics...
And I finally memorize the contents.. I get hit with the remix...
A newer version of the same shit.. Now I'm in different...
Conflicted...
What am I missing...
Conflicted...
At least sex is consistent....
Conflicted...

Human Nature

... Why Do I Attract The Same Fucking People..
It's Like All I See Is The Physical..
Why Can't We Just See Pass That..
Our Chemistry.. We Have That..
Our Ability To By Pass The Bullshit..
Is It Really Human Nature To Hurt..
Is It In Our DNA Not To Work..
Not To Want Something Beyond The Physical.. Laughs..
Why Is It So Hard.. Not To Get Pass The Past..
I Honestly Believe That It's In My Nature To Chase Waterfalls..
Giving My TLC.. Still Missing The Point.. To Listening When Love Calls...
Or Not Too.. That is The Question.. At Times It Feels Rhetorical..
Questions That We All Know The Answers Too..
Like Why Am I Single, Will I Answer When Loves Comes A Call, Or Will I Send It Straight To..
Voicemail.. My Love is Blocked..
I Say No Love Lost.. When Honestly I Misplaced The Key.. So My Love is Locked..
I Never Intend To Set It Free..
Love Has a Way Of Empowering Me..
I Fall For All The Wrong Things....

Something to Remember Me By..

I Called Your Phone.. Drove By Your House.. To See If You Were Home..
Hoping You Was Alone..
A Couple Text..
Voicemails.. To Suggest..
That You Return My Calls..
*Pause*
Nothing..
You Could Give Me Something..
But You Don't..
You Could Call Me Back.. But You Won't..
What I Need..
You Don't Believe..
I Do..
I Don't Believe You..
And From What I Can See..
You Don't Believe Me..
What Happen to The Memories..
So I'm Calling..
While You're Stalling..
When In Reality.. I'm Not The One Who's Wrong..
It's Your Fault..
I'm Lost..
And You're The Only One Who Can Find Me..
I Need To Remind Me..
Inspire Me..

So You're Telling Me..

... Aside From the advice that you feel you need to give...
Or the suggestive suggestions that you feel will help me live..
My life that you’ve put blocks and codes up like a parental guardian...
You say you speak the truth about your intentions but when you talk I see lies.. Why become a liar then..
But more or less you claim that it’s for the best when you tell me that you need to understand me ..
As if being a human being, living my 33 years and taking care of me...
Kid free..
You still feel the need to warn me about the troubles that await if I don’t follow through and listen to you..
So you're telling me that I should stay single because we all know love is the enemy of hate...
And sex is their long lost cousin twice removed..
Fucking Fool..
You're Telling me that as long as I keep my friends close and my enemies’ closer I'm good and Relations aren't really about nothing...
We still can relate but I could still fuck my cousin...
That Doesn’t Make Sense or as sensible as you try to make things…
I go along with your scheme…
Now I’m sitting here lying on my bed…
Thinking that I must be crazy and out of my head...
Asking myself why did I listen to you…
I mean I understand the whole being single concept because after all, being single has its perks… or what not...
Yet and Still I go out and Date more or less, never taking anything or anyone serious since you told me that… Never stay grounded in one spot...
You go for the chase and not the thrill..
And if tricks could kill…
There would be a lot of dead people not practicing magic...
After you disappear for three months, you tell me that you bypassed the single life and found you a wife or wifey is what you call it...
So now you telling me that I should flee the dating scene and do the relationship thing because it’s less hassle..
Or that I should be happy that I can settle down; no more fooling around... No more juggling guys, since I graduated from the single life to relationships, the only thing I’m missing is the tassel..
You laugh and say soon it will come when you prove that relationships are from some but commitment isn’t for all..
So I go along because after all you told me… Not forgetting that it was you how told me that being single was the new thing and we all should get down, Relationships wasn’t in style and with that you couldn’t go out and swing..
Now I’m with this guy sitting here like why the hell did I listen to you… when you distinctly never attempted to keep it real with me..