Dream Girl..

I Want You To Make Love to Me Right Now..
Drop What You're Doing.. Put Those Things Down..
Turn Around..
And Follow Me..
Allow Me..
But Don't Ask Me..
No Questions.. In Fact..
Sit Back..
Baby Relax..
I Want You To Watch.. Me..
You Can Have Whatever You Like.. Do You Like What You See..
No Touching..
No Hugging..
Just Me Rubbing..
Let Your Fingers Explore..
And When I Moan For You To Stop.. Give Me More.
Baby Can You Teach Me..
How To Please These..
I Know What Turns You On..
Whatever I Am Doing Wrong..
I Want To Make It Alright..
Better Than Better.. I Want Your Insight..
Close Your Eyes..
And Let Your Mind..
Wonder.. Where Ever It Needs To Go.. Because Your Body is Mine..
So Unwind..
Let Me Know When You're Ready..
Because Baby..
I've Been Waiting All Day..
Been Missing Your Sweet Escape.. My Perfect Getaway..
And It's Been A Minute..
Since I Paid It A Visit..
Missing The Feeling I Get When I'm In It..
And It's Always Time Well Spent..
You Know My Body is The Best Instrument..
And I Love The Way You Use It..
But First.. I'll Put On Some Music..
I'll Dance.. I'll Strip.. I'll Dance..
And It Becomes Clear.. My Mind Set.. My Plans..
Take My Hand..
We Touch..
We Slow Dance..
No.. Sit Back Down..
Not Right Now..
I'm Not Fully Aroused..
You Say You Love Me.. Well Show Me.. With Your Mouth..
No Sounds.. No Words.. I Just Want to Feel All of Your Energy..
Pleasing Me..
Teasing Me..
Relieving Me..
Now Stop.. Look At Me..
Kiss Me..
Now Kiss Her.. I Think It'll Be Better If You Used Your Tongue..
And I Promise You That I'll Take Whatever Your Giving Me.. I'll Never Run..
Baby She Missed You The Most.. She Always Cries When She Feels You're Almost Done..
Yes I Miss You Too..
But That's Not The Issue..
You Want Me.. And I Want You..
I Love The Way You Sound..
Can't Control Yourself.. It's Like It's No One Else Around..
Baby Just Breathe..
Inhale.. Exhale.. You Said This is What You Need..
And If Not Now.. When..
No.. I Don't Want It To End..
And I'll Do Whatever You Say..
We Can Just Role Play..
I'm Be The Doctor.. Nurse.. Teacher..
So Ready to Consume All Of You.. You're The Main Feature..
Let's Record..
Be On One Accord..
And Watch What A Great Masterpiece..
Soft or Hardcore Erotica.. Let's Just Watch and See..
Let's Do It In Front Of The Mirror..
And There's Nothing More Realer..
I Want You To See What You Do To Me..
Trying Not To Show.. The Faces.. I Make.. When You're Savoring Me..
Baby Let's Do Something We Have Never Seen..
My Imagination Runs Wild.. Especially When It Deals With Pleasuring..
Just Lay Next To Me.. No I Will Not Stop..
Just Let Me Climb On Top..
Just Grab Me By The Waist..
Oh How I Love How Your Kisses Taste..
You're Lips Are Soft..
I'm So Turned On.. It's So Hard To Turn Me Off..
Nothing Will Compare..
No One Will Ever Share..
You Just Take Me So High Up In The Air..
I Never Want To Come Back..
Well After That..
I'm Slowly Coming Down.. You Do Things To Me.. That No One Else Can.. Or Will Ever Understand It..
It's Nothing Else Left To Say.. But.. *Sighs*.. Damn It..
Nothing Else Left To Do But.. Drift into My Dream World..
Loving That It Never Ends.. I'll See You In My Sleep.. And When I Wake Up.. My Dream Girl..

My Preference

So When You Look At Me What Do You See..
Please Tell Me..
Do You See The Curiosity In My Eyes Because My Eyes Doesn’t Lie..
Do You See The Inquiring Look On My Face When You Ask Me If It’s A Females Lips I Want To Taste or Would I Rather Stick to The Taste of A Guy’s Penis?
It’s Like I Understand That Whole Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus..
But Where The Hell Am I From? Pluto?
It’s Like I’m A Guy Trapped in A Girl’s Body, He Knows, She Knows and You Know..
And What Makes It So Incredible..
Is That I’m The Best Of Both Worlds..
The Mind Frame of A Guy.. A Beast With The Beauty Of A Girl..
That Would Make Me A Quadruple Threat, To Some But To Most.. It's Another Opportunity To Hate..
Can You Really Judge A Book By It’s Cover.. What Would My Book State..
We Are So Lost In This State Of Mind... You Could Never Find The Real Me...
My Book Would Have So Many Chapters.. It Would Be Hard Not To Get In Deep In My Story..
Laughing Because The Things You Would Think Is So Trife...
Is The Shit That I Already Done Twice In My Life...
And Reading About Your Life Would Indeed Bore Me..
But Let’s Get Back To The Matter At Hand, MY STORY..
My Contents.. My Pages.. My Autobiography..
But Truthfully You All Want To Know.. No Need For Apologies..
A Pretty Girl Like Me Is Down With Guys..
Just Ups and Then Decides..
It's Time To Switch Teams And Go With The Flow..
I Mean What If I Am.. Why Should You Have A Say So...
What Does It Matter To You..
About it.. What Can You Do..
It’s Because You Hear That I’m Gay...
Since You Figured That You Can Turn Me Out By Hear Say..
Or That Because You Honesty Think That A Box is Going Io Keep Me Interested..
In What The Pink Has To Say.. Knowing It'll Make a Huge Difference..
Because I’m Always Blue..
What Am I To Do..
I Can’t Help It If He Likes Me And She Likes Me Too..
So After Debating My Feelings I Took A Quiz To Help Me Find Myself So To Speak, I Felt Lost, I Needed A Clue..
This Test Told Me That I Was Confused..
When In Fact I’m Not… It Told Me That I Was Curious And Should Open Up More..
Knock And It Will Be Open.. Just Have To Pick The Right Doors..
That I Should Seek And I Will Find..
Open My Mind..
To The Possibilities..
So What Am I Waiting For.. As If I Wasn’t Lost Already..
They Tell Me That Being This Way Is Why I Could Never Really Go Steady..
My Path Isn’t Quite Clear..
And The Way You Make It Seem.. Likes It’s A Girl’s Worst Fear..
To Be Hurt And Now You Tell Me That I Would Rather The Comfort Of A Woman And Her Presence To Be Near..
Or That I Enjoy Sex Because It’s With Guys But Girls Are What I Hold Dear..
Let Me Be Clear...
I Don’t Like Bitches..
I Love Women..
I’m Thinking To Myself This Is The Real Reason Why I Would Never Settle Down..
Because Every Time That Tom, Dick, and Harry Came Around..
It Was Never Me That They Was Actually Trying To Pursue...
It Was My Nails So To Speak And Every Chance That They Got.. They Tried To Screw...
Now That I Don’t Need A Hammer.. I Want Some Thing Real...
I Should Stick To One Side And Pretend Like It Isn’t Mixed Feelings That I Feel..
Like I Can’t Imagine Me With You And Her On The Side..
It’s Called A Three Some Dumb Ass.. Are You Down For The Ride..
Since You Already Figured That I Was Gay In Your Mind..
So Why Are You Wasting Time Trying To Ask Me If I Am Happy..
Nigga I’m blissful And My life Is A Mystery...
I Have Kept You On The Edge Of Your Seat.. My Moments Are Suspenseful.. I'm Just Being Me..
And Every Time You Think That You Have Me Figured Out I Change..
Nothing About Me Stays The Same..
And If You Can’t Understand That You Never Figured Me Out And I Doubt That You Ever Will..
And You Tell Me That Only Time Will Tell Until I Have To A Side I Have To Choose..
A Life That You Deemed Me Too... Marriage With You.. Husband and Kids..
That This Other Lifestyle Forbids..
That Prevents Those Incidents From Ever Happening Until You And Her Are Forced To Fight For Who Gets Me.. Like I'm Some Kind of Fucking Prize..
I'm A Fucking Person.. I Have Feelings Too.. They're Just Deep Down Inside..
I Know Right.. I'm Talking Crazy.. Kinda Sounds Like Familiar.. Heard It All Before..
If Anything How Would Anyone Understand How I'm Feeling.. How In The Blue Fuck Would You Even Know..
And Instead of Judging.. If You Want To Know Me.. If You Ever Have To Question..
Just Ask Me.. I'll Be More Than Happy To Tell You My Preference..

Baby...

Baby..
Can We Just Maybe..
Baby..
Can You Save Me..
I'm Used To These Tears.. Drowning..
I've Got So Used To No One Being Around And..
Baby.. You Can't Even Imagine..
The Challenge..
Got Used to Love Being So Hard..
So It's Not That Easy Letting Down My Guard..
Baby..
Can We Just Maybe..
Baby..
Escape These..
Limits of Love's Supposed to Be.. I'm Sick of Limits..
I Don't Want Your Love.. If Your Heart.. Truly Isn't In It..
Baby..
Listen..
I'm Not Saying That This is Different..
And If It Isn't.. Please Tell Me Now.. So I Can End It..
While I Have The Courage and My Pride..
Because When I Fall.. I Can't Just Toss Our Love Aside..
Baby...
Can We Just Maybe..
Baby.. Baby..
Understand.. That We..
Can Re-Define.. The Definition of Love.. You and Me..
Force Everyone To Try Harder.. When They Look As Us..
Just One Look At Our Love..
Baby..
Hi..
Goodbye..
You'll Never Hear Those Words Again.. Never Will I Say..
Or Pull You Closer.. Or Even Push You Away...
So Let's Get Those Introductions Out The Way..
Baby..
Can We Just Maybe..
Baby..
Just One Opportunity..
To Spend The Rest of Eternity..
And There is No Need to Worry..
Or Question.. My Honesty.. My Loyalty..
You're The Only Girl For Me..
Baby..
I Really Don't Need To Know How You Feel..
And I'm So For Real..
I'll Never Find Another..
So I Wouldn't Even Bother..
Looking.. Sneaking..
Searching.. Creeping..
Finding.. Cheating..
Never Would I Even Jeopardize..
Put You In A Situation.. That Ends With Tears Falling From Those Pretty Little Eyes..
Violate Your Trust..
Deprive You Of Our Love..
When I Have What I Need Right Here.. Right Now.. From You..
Baby.. It's Truth..
And For What It's Worth..
I'll Spend The Rest Of My Time Of Earth..
Scratching.. Till I Get To The Surface.. Finding The Key..
That Unlocks Your Heart.. Change The Locks.. So No One Can Ever Know Your Secrets But Me..
They Will Never Know The Way To Your Heart.. I Don't Want to Share You..
And If You Could See What I See.. You Wouldn't Want To Share You Either.. You'll Be Stingy Too..
I Just Want to Know.. In Your Life.. Is There A Place For Me..
Baby..
Can We.. Like Can We.. Just Maybe..
Can We Be..

Unfortunate..

.. Funny How The Tables.. Turn..
The Same Lesson That You Tried To Teach Me.. You Now Have to Learn..
The Same Basic Instructions..
Told Me About My Illogical Behavior is Now a Factor in Your Own Misconduct..
How Does It Feel.. Really..
Told Me.. You Will Never Know How I Felt.. Now You Really Feeling Me..
Dumped Me..
Quitted Me..
You Had Such A Way With Words..
Dragged Out The Process Just to Say You Want to Be With Her..
How Is That Going..
Jumped Into It With Her.. Not Even Knowing..
And When I Thought Our Love Was Just Growing..
You Acted Like This Angel.. But I Swear Your Horns Are Showing..
Told Me I Would Never Understand Your True Worth..
And If That Wasn't Bad Enough.. You Made It Worst..
Forced The Knife is My Heart.. Broke It.. And Sat Back..
When You Felt Like I Was Lacking Love.. You Complained When You Had To Pick Up The Slack..
And Every Time We Had To Interact..
You Always Found A Way To Bring Me Down..
Funny How What Goes Around.. Always Comes Right Back Around..
Built Me Up to Tear Me Down..
And I Took It All With A Smile..
Subjected Me to False Hope..
So Cut Throat..
In This Thing You Called Your World of Love..
I Tried.. Sweat.. Tears.. And Blood..
Even When I Wanted to Fight For Us..
Made It Clear.. That It Was No Point in Fighting For Our Love..
Drove Me To Insanity..
Drove Myself.. Crazy.. Just Because You Demanded It From Me..
And When I Became Crazy In Love With You..
You Felt Like My Love.. Was To Bizarre For You..
And When I Wrote You Love Letters.. With The Sincerest Intent..
I Had To Be Better.. Because I Knew You Wasn't Happy With Us Just Being Content..
But You Never Took The Time to Check..
Changed Your Address and Moved On To The Next..
In Every Aspect..
It Took Days.. Months.. Years..
To Erase You From My Mind.. Wished That The Thought Of You Would Just Disappear..
And Now That My Time Had Passed You By..
You Want To Call Just to Say Hi..
Hoping That I Would Sympathize...
Without Question.. You Want to Break Down and Cry..
Memories of Us.. And How We Used to Be.. Makes You Want to Break Down Inside..
Now You're Trying To Explain..
The Love That You Had For Me... The Love You Took Away..
Is Now Something.. That You Need to Survive.. You Need to Stay..
Talks Of How.. The Girl.. That You Replaced Me.. With..
Turned Out To be Nothing Like You Thought She Would Be.. Her Love is So Different..
And Now That You're Getting A Taste of Your Own Medicine..
At One Point or Another.. Her Love For You Felt Like It Was Heaven Sent..
And Now She Treats You Like You're Irrelevant..
You Blame Me.. Because Our Love to You.. Was The Realest..
You Ask How I Feel.. Well I'm Indifferent..
And In No Place.. Or Point In Time..
Well I Let You Back Into My Life.. Or Will I Let You Remind..
Me.. Of All The Pain.. The Hurt..
And Just Because You May Not Know Yours.. I Know My Worth..
You Still Ask For One More Chance..
You Extend Out Your Hand..
Wanting To Reach Out To You..
But Anger and Hatred Towards You.. Is What I'm Used Too..
And Like The Pieces Of a Puzzle.. You're Puzzled..
All Out Of Place.. Needing To Be Fixed.. And You Don't See Any Other..
That Can Complete You..
Hoping I'll Be There.. When You Need Me That Most.. And Not How You Was When I Needed You..
You Guess What You're Trying To Say.. Is That Nothing is Promised..
And To Be Completely Honest..
Sincerest Deepest Apologies.. Because You Had To Find Out The Hard Way That Nothing Will Ever Be Better Than This..
All I Can Reply is How Unfortunate..

Be A...

I sensed the Change but never took the time to notice and understand Why
Why? Do You Let Him Treat you with Disrespect but Hate to Be Called a Bitch by a Girl
Like Being Called a Bitch by a Female is the One Thing in the World..
That would send you spinning around and shouting and yelling like You're Crazy
But you Let this Guy, This Man, This Nigga, as you so conveniently Put it call you everything But his Baby
A Shame, A Fucking Disgrace
You think that Because He Says that You are Not pretty.. U Need to Cover your Face
We all shed Tears...
We disguise our Fears..
BE A WOMAN... Grow Up.. Give Up.. and when you Feel Like you Can't Go On...
Go On.. Fight.. Stand Up.. BE A WOMAN...
Why?
Why Not?
Do you think that Because you don't Have Love doesn't mean that it's NOT there to see
So you Replace Love and Reality with Heartache and Fantasy...
Never...
Will I ever Depend on a Guy to Make me Happy or Define Me..
Never..
Will I ever Confuse being a Grown ASS woman with Being a Young Lady...
Because that's what you are... Young Minded
Often Blinded...
Slightly Misguided...
But You Tend to Follow Me..
Not Duplicating My Accomplishments.. But Your echoing my Mistakes.. As if an Original is Hard to Be..
Don't Be Me..
BE A WOMAN...
You Can't be a Man.. As Much as You Try to rationalize and justify to why you are who you become...
And with all this talk of Maturity.. It's Immature to Think that Way.. Or would you Prefer me calling you Dumb..
As if Pain, Heartache, Misery, Blah, Blah, Blah, Spare Me..
Spare Me..
The Stories of How you Thought you Found Love But it was Lust...
Spare Me..
Of How You thought You Had the Perfect Relationship in the World but You Lacked Trust
Spare Me..
Of How You were Blue to Love this Little Boy So You Cried Wolf.. And Cried.. And Cried..
See I'm Not Going to Lie...
You See I've Heard it All.. Seen it All.. Lived it.. Loved.. Cared..
See I'm Tired of the Player Types, the Gold Digging Life, the Friendships..the Fall outs.. It's Not There..
Love is Not There..
Love is Real..
And You Can't Possibly understand the Concept because Hey.. You Can't Feel..
You Don't Know.. What's it's Like to be a Grown as Woman..
You See..
Understanding My Life would be Plently of Reason to why you can't Be..
A Grown ass Woman..
So.. Grow Up.. Give Up.. And When You Feel like You Can't Go On...
Go On...
Achieve More than Just your skills to Getting a Man...
Learn how to Keep Him.. Wait (Raisies Hand)
Learn how to Keep a Good One..
Yeah.. I know I'm Reaching... But Maybe Just Maybe...
One Day instead of Being His Young Lady..
Try Being a Independent Grown ass Woman..

The GROWN Up Look...

It's So Funny How... Individuals Claim being Grown.. Like They Are Filing for Taxes...
Thinking that By Putting it On Paper.. You will Reap the Benefits.. While You Sit Back and Relax..
Being Grown... Is Not a Option.. It's a Requirement...
It's a Not a Defense Mechanism... You Turn in On and Off... You Claim.. For Instance..
It Defines You... Calls You to Deal with The Real World..
Instead.. You Figure that Because You Grow Older.. And Learn a Few Lessons... That Entitles You To Be a Big Girl..
It's Not a Piece of Clothing that You Can Put on... To Accessorize.. Or Compliment Your Look...
Thinking Like That Gone Get You Shook..
Take the Time.. To Grow Up.. Mature.. Live Life.. Beside Learn...
Earn.. This Grown Up Look... That You Feel.. You Have..
It's Not Something that You Have to Keep Telling People.. and Convincing Yourself...
Realize it for Yourself.. That Being Grown.. Is Just That...
Don't Talk About It... Teach it..
Don't Walk Like It... Live It..
Lead By Example... Motivate..
Celebrate..
Try to Comphrend..
Then Help the Next Individual.. To Understand..
Stop Feeding that Bullshit.. To People.. Because to People who are Grown..
You Brag.. About Who and What You Got.. What You Own..
To You.. You are the Epitome.. of The Grown Up.. Look.. Sad..
To Them.. You are Merely.. Just a Kid in a Grown Woman's Body.. With a Childish Mentality.. Mad..
That You Believe that By.. Changing Your Appearance.. You Alter Yourself.. Forgetting that When You Look in The Mirror.. That Same Person is There..
That Individual.. Who Wants Everyone to Know.. What She Got.. What She Had to Do to Get It.. And How Many Guys She Has.. Every Place.. Every Where..
Not Disclosing.. That Fact that When She Goes to Sleep.. She Sleeps Alone.. Because No Respectable Guy.. Will Date Her..
Never Been Serious with a Guy.. Sure She's a Good Fuck.. Amazing Head.. But Honestly No Guy Would Mate Her..
Take Her Home to Momma..
Yet in Still She's So Grown..
Just Because You Grew Up Fast.. Or So You Say.. You're Convinced.. That Other's Should Get Like You..
Always the One in the Group.. Trying to Enlighten Other Girls.. That Need Advice.. To Take Heed..
To Listen.. Because You've Been In Every Situation before.. So You Know The Outcome... And You Believe..
But Never Not Once Have You Listened to Your Own Advice.. Took It.. Applied It..
So When Other Look to You.. For Clarification.. You Suggest.. That They Judge You By Your Words and Not Your Actions.. Often.. Highlightening...
That Being Grown.. Is Being Able to Admit That Your In too Deep..
But You Never Allow.. Others to Distance Themselves.. You Hold Out Your Hand.. Offer Up Sympathy.. And Together we Creep..
The Recipe for Disaster.. Ignorance.. Yet in Still.. You Won't Deny that.. That This Life Style is the Growing Up Phase.. But When Will It End?
And You Wonder Why.. You are Alone.. And You Have No Love Life.. And No Real Friends..
If Any One Desires to Associate Themselves with You.. It's On a Cordial Basis..
So People Never Get to Meet the Real You.. Because You Display.. This Image.. To Make Others Happy... You Joke Around.. Saying.. The Grown Up Look.. Has Many Faces...
So You Deal with Whatever Comes Your Way..
Just to Keep the Company.. And Have that Security.. You Do Whatever to Keep them Satisfied.. And Anything to Keep them to Stay..
Pray Each Day..
That's If It's Not God's Will For Him to Be in Your Life.. Then Show You a Sign..
But When He Gives You One.. You Over Look it.. Claiming that Love is Blind..
And Then You Cry and Complain.. When You Are the One Wasting Your Time on a Guy..
Whose Not Looking for a Immature.. Girl.. Who Can't Practice What She Preach..
And So You Weep..
Praying.. That God.. Shows.. You The Way..
And You Cursed.. The Day..
You Ever Said You Were Too Grown.. For This...
What a Look...........

So Beautiful..

... Beautiful...
The Only Way to Describe You..
And That Word.. Still Could Never Do...
You Any Justice..
So When I Say.. That We Will Always Be..
Trust Us..
Trust Me..
Trust What I Do...
I'll Let My Heart Take a Chance.. Just to Be Loved by You..
And If You Were Mine..
Everyday.. I Wake Up..
Next To You..
Lay with You..
Never Lie to You..
And When You Cry..
It Will Be Because.. Happiness is All You See..
Compelled.. To Tell Me.. .
Your Fears..
Your Dreams. .
Your Life..
And How I Came in And Made Everything Right.
Came Right in Time..
You Got So Used to Love Being Blind...
All You Could See Darkness..
You Became So Heartless..
And Without Us..
Life, Living and Loving... Makes You Weak..
So When I Ask You..
About Us... And If We Could Be Together.. If Our Love Could Find Each Other.. and Meet..
You Decline..
So Nicely..
As If.. Giving Me a Chance.. Would Be Wasting Your Time..
And That Would Be Fine..
If I Didn't Think I Could Make You Better...
It Would Be My Pleasure..
To Try...
And I Can Tell You've Been Hurt.. You've Seen Pain..
And Because of That..You'll Never Be The Same..
I'm Just Saying..
When I Lay Down..
and Close My Eyes.. I'm Praying..
To God.. That Its Your Mind.. That I'm On and Staying..
I want to Be with You..
And Avant.. Said It Best.. It's Nothing in The World.. That I Wouldn't Do..

Thank Me Later...

Hey You...
I Pray That This Reaches You...
Tired of Preaching to You..
About Change...
Tired of The Constant Circles..
The Rollercoasters...
The Ups and Downs.
Being Around..
The Highs and Lows..
I Can Ride..
But I Refuse to Stand Aside...
Waiting Patiently... In Line..
While You Let Everyone.. Cut In Front of Me...
Saying They Have What I Lack..
So You're Pushing Me to The Back..
And I'm Supposed to Believe..
That Its Me You Need..
I'm Tired of.. Finding My Way to You....
Being Behind You..
When I Should Be Right Beside You...
But Your Too Focused on Trying to Take The Lead..
And It Kills Me.. That You Really Can't See...
You Will Never Be Satisfied...
And it would Be Hella Lies..
If You Said..
That One Girl Could...
I Wish You Would..
Sit Here and Lie to Me...
Cry to Me...
About Being Different..
So Unique..
But When You Speak..
It Just Sounds Like a lot of Words..
And Its Either Been Already Said or Already Been Heard..
If Not By Me.. To Me..
So I Thank You..
For Pushing Me... Away From You...
To Make The Final Decision to Do What I Have to Do...
Show You... That Being Single is My Choice.. And Solution...
With All of Our Problems... We Seem to Add More... Never Finding Resolutions...
So Again.. I Thank You...
For Opening.. My Eyes..
And All This Time...
I Thought Love Was Bind..
And Most of The Time..
I Was Not Even Seeing Clearly...
How Could I Be So Naivee..
So Eager to Please..
The Unpleasable..
When You Made Unreasonable..
Request...
For Me to Love You.. At My Very Best...
When Your Love for Me Was Average...
Most of The Time.. You Wasn't Even Willing...
To Be Giving Me Your Best...
And Still I Stand Thanking You...
Praising You...
To Help Us...
Trust..
Lust For Me..
Like I Lusted For You...
Not Cool..
How You Put Me Through Every Little Test.. That Could Possibility Prove...
That I Would Never Be Good Enough...
For You...
Or Anyone Else for that Matter... How?
Can I Still Thank You.. Simply.. I Can Admit My Mistakes...
And Know That No Matter How Long It Takes..
I Will Let Go.. Of You...
So Maybe in The Next Lifetime.. Maybe in The Next Life...
You Can Say That.. You Did All You Can Do.. To Keep Mrs. Right...
I'll Be Okay.. And I Have You To Thank.. Every Day and Night..
Because You Will Never Truly Find Anyone Greater...
And You'll Be The One Regretting... Scared of Lonely... So You Can Thank Me Later...

Think About It..

... Saying That I Would Rather Go Blind... Is a Mere Understatement...
A Selected Choice of Words.. That Does Not Do My Heart Justice...
You Say That You Wanna Be Freed..
And No Matter How Far.. You Go.. My Love.. You Could Never Escape From It...
The Thought of You Walking Out of Life...
Without a Fight..
Without a Stuggle.. Without Regrets...
I Wish I Could Reset..
The Past...
Make My Feelings for You... Last...
I Feel Like I Let You Down...
And Everytime I Hear Your Name.. I Can Feel Your Presence.. When You're Not Around...
There was a Time When You Set Me Free..
Hanging On To Your Every Word..
Strangled.. By My Lingering.. Expectations...
What's Not Being Said.. Or Listening to Everything I Hear...
Of What We Could Be...
Slowing Dying... From Your Empty Promises..
The Last Breathe... That I Would Breath..
Would Be To Tell You That I'm in Love with You...
Never Thought That You Would Be The Death Me..
Everytime I Would Just Die.. In Your Arms..
Living a Perfect After Life..
You See I've Already Been to Heaven.. And Back..
You Send My Mind Wondering..
Controlling My Every Need...
So Please Believe Me...
When I Say... I'll Rather Go Blind...
I'll Cut Off Every Living Function...
Before I Function... Without.. My Baby..
You Complete Me...
You Need Me... I Need You...
We Make Each Other Better... Always and Forever.. You Know What You Must Do..
Leaving Me is Out The Question.. Baby... Just Sit.. You Belong With No One Else... Why Can't You See...
So Before You Walk Out of My Life.. And If Everything Else Fails.. Please Just Think of Me...

Imagination..

... I Close My Eyes.... And Drift Away...
And I Swear I Can Feel You... See You... Hear You.... Your Kisses... I Still Remember How They Taste...
I Think Back... To a Time... When You Were All Mine...
And I Was All Yours....
My Eyes... My Lips... My Hands... My Body... My Mind...
Focused On You.... Pleasing You...
I Imagine a World... Where It Was Only You and I...
And Although I Have No Problem... With Anyone Watching Us... I Feel The Need to Have The Attention Focused on Me...
Your Hands Exploring...
Me Luring... Your Hands... To Touch Me...
Your Eyes Suggesting That You Want To...
You Kiss Me... I Let You... I Kiss You Back... You Look at Me... And I Look Back at You... Like I Know...
No Words... Need To Be Said...
And As We Lay Here... Enjoying Each Other On Our Bed..
We Both Know What it Is... And What It Has To Be...
Somehow In a Moment of War... We Can Make Peace..
I Forget About The Lies... And Why I Feel So F*cked Up Inside... When Our Lips Meet...
We Forget About Pain... The Hurt... The Feelings...
My Imagination... Playing Tricks on Me...
I Could Swear... That You Long For Me...
Like I Long For You...
And What Am I To Do...
When No One Can Make Me Feel Like You Can....
The Way You Take My Hand...
And Lead Me...
Damn My Imagination...
I Could Swear... When I Look at The One I'm With Now...
It's Your Face I See...
When I'm F*cking My Present... I Imagine That It's My Past... That I'm Making Love Too..
I'm Sexing The Future So Good... That She Doesn't Even Worry About The Other Two...
Because To Her... The Future is All That Matters..
And I Wanna Make Her Smile...
When All The While...
I Can't Let Go Of The Past... To Keep a Steady Relationship.. With My Present...
And Even Though Our Sex is So Heaven Sent...
My Imagination Gets The Best Of Me...
And When It Seems Like The Present and I.... Finally Find Happiness...
It Always Seems Like The Past Tries to Find a Way Back To Me....
Then It Begins...
The Temptation...
It's Like I'm Cheating Death...
Because If My Past, Present, and Future Ever Meet... I'm Sure That It Would Be The End of Me...
And If That Ever Occur.. I'll Be Ready To Meet My Maker..
Until Then... I'm Loving My Present... Lusting My Past... And Liking My Future...
I'm A Woman Torn Before... Now Showing When You Look Into My Eyes...
The Battle of Who Makes Me Better...
Is Only Fought on The Inside...
My Heart and Mind.. Has Been a Victim... But I Will Never Show That On The Outside...
And When I Felt Like I Couldn't Go On... I Thought About My Future... The Real Reason... I'm Still Alive...
And God Knows That Honestly... I'm Not Ready To Die...
So Until Then I'll Play The Good Girl Role...
And Yes It's Times.. When This Good Girl Way of Living... Gets Old..
So... I'll Keep Imaging...
Stay Dreaming..
Day or Night...
That The Past Would Come Back into My Life.. And Wanna Do Me Right...
Until Then.. I'll Fight...
And Give My All To Present...
So That I Can Do Future Better...
And It's Funny... Because She Knows That I Will Never Step Out On Her... But She Feels Like I'm Mentality Cheating...
She Knows My Imagination Gets The Best of Me...
So.. In Present's Eyes... She Senses I'm Unhappy.. But Physically... She Knows That She Can't Do Anything About It...
So She Lets Me Do Me...
And We Both Know That in My Heart... That She is The Only One For Me... My Favorite Girl..
And If I Could Do Anything to Make Our Life Better... If I Could I Would Give Her The World...
But She Still Knows.. My Imagine Gets The Best of Me...
And When We Both Say Goodnight... Kiss... And Go to Sleep...
And She Knows I Close My Eyes... And Drift Back to Past... Because She Could Never Compare...
Past and I have Something.. That We Could Never Share...
And I Know She Hates... It... And Sometimes... She Feels... Insecure... More Or Less... Jealous...
She Confines... In Me... Saying That If It Wasn't For Past.. Then It Wouldn't Be A Us...
And I Say... Baby... We Need Trust...
And She Replies... Baby I Know... But I Can't Stop Thinking What If... I Guess Its Just... My Imagination... And I Can't Blame Her... Because I Swear My Imagination Has Played Many of Tricks On Me...

In Memory of You...

.... I Swear... I Have Those Days...
When I Wish That Things Were The Same...
Wishing... That When I Wake Up... It's Your Pretty Face That I See...
Do You Miss Me...
Like I Miss You...
I Can't Even Lie..
I Wish I Can Pause Life...
And Replay Our Love Twice..
And Wouldn't It Be Nice...
If We Could Be...
I Know That Right Now... It's Not Our Time... And I See...
That You're Happy...
And Because I Truly Love You...
I Can Show You...
I'm Better...
I'm Getting My Life Together...
So When You Do Come Back to Me...
You Can See...
How Much I've Changed..
I Couldn't Stay The Same...
I Needed To Grow...
I Needed You To Know...
I'm Different...
And If You Just Take The Time and Listen...
Whatever Problem... We Can Fix It...
And I Know at Times... It Seems Like I'm Over You...
Well I'm Not...
I'm Trying... And It's Hard to Hide My Love... Easy To Spot...
My Feelings...
I Wear My Heart on My Sleeves...
And If You Please...
Just Understand How Much of My Life... You've Made an Impact...
You've Had My Back...
When Others... Turned Away..
So I Will Always Stay...
Loyal.. Down For You...
And If You Only Knew...
I Pray For You Every Day and Night...
And If Being in Love with You... Is Wrong.. Then I Don't Ever Want to Be Right...
It Takes All My Might...
Not To Call..
Not to Come Through...
Because I Truly Do Miss You...
But I Can't Sit and Wait For Ever...
And I Will Never Say Never..
When It Comes to You...
I Love You...
But I Have to Let You Go...
The Pain is Starting to Show...
And It Makes It Worst Because I Feel Like... It's My Fault and Baby I Know...
Separation... is Something I Should Get Used Too..
But My Heart Won't Let You Go...
My Pride.... If I Could Just Set That Aside..
Would You Still Be Mine..
But Seriously.... I Can't Be Loving You Anyone....
It's Affecting Me...
And I Know I Should Be Looking.. Meeting New Faces...
Because I'm Single... But I Feel Taken...
Yet in Still... It's Not The Same...
Am I To Blame...
Or Are You...
What Do We Have to Do...
I Feel Like No One Understands Me... My Love For You... Not Even You....
But Until You Realize It On Your Own.. I Guess This Friendship... Thing Will Have to Do...

Lovers and Friends...

... It Finally Hit Me...
Why It Has Never Worked Out With Others....
It's So Weird.. These Feelings... I Should Look at You.. Like A Brother or Sister From Another Mother...
But I Can't Shake This Feeling...
The Way You... Smile... The Way You Listen.. The Way Your Eyes Twinkle...
All These Things I'm Missing...
I Feel Like I Need You....
Aside From The Friendship... You Are My Best...
And They Weren't Lying... Because Your Better Than The Rest....
So How Do I Ask You.. Come to You..
Over Step Our Boundaries...
Lose Myself... So You Can Find Me...
I Will Put All My Playa Ways... Behind Me...
Just to Have a Chance...
And When We Hold Hands...
I Want It to Be Because You Want to Be Lovers and Friends...
We Are Better Than That... To Break Up... And End...
And I Can No Longer... Pretend...
That I Want to Be In This Zone...
I Wish It Was That Easy... That I Could Just Pick of The Phone..
And Tell You...
Share to You...
That Our Friendship... is a Stepping Stone to Something Incredible..
And If You Would Have Me... My Heart Would Be Yours Forever Though...
You Wouldn't Have to Call Me Crying... About How You Get Treated Like Dirt...
And For What It's Worth...
I Know You're Worth...
Even If You Don't...
You See Bestfriend...
I Won't...
I Can't...
I'll Never...
I'll Love You Forever...
It's Just Getting You... Is The Tricky Part of The Plan...
Maybe One Day I Can...
Show You... That You're The Only Person That Knows Me...
And If I Could Just Get Out The Friend Box... You'll See...
My Love Has No Limits...
If I Could Be More Vivid...
I'll Paint a Picture.... I'll Write You a Letter... I'll Buy Airtime On The Radio.. On The T.V...
I Do Whatever It Takes... So That You See..
Me As Someone You Can Spend The Rest of Your Life With...
You See... You've Already Blessed Me.. With Your Friendship.. And I Want To Show You I Can Love You Better... Just Let Me Prove to You.. And Return The Gift... Because You're The Best of Both Words... My Long Lost... Treasure... And I'll Do Whatever... Hopefully You Feel The Same Way...
And Instead of Calling Me Your Bestfriend... I'll Be The One to Make You Think You Can Love Again... I Wanna Be Bae.....

Can't Be Friends...

... Some Say Patience is a Virtue...
But Some Will Never Understand That Feeling You Get... When Someone Leaves You...
When All You Know is That Feeling of Being Wanted... It Disappears and Now She No Longer Needs You...
He No Longer Sees You... As His Best...
He Sees You As A Threat.. A Weakness... That Their Heart Can No Longer Protect..
I Swear Trey... Made Can't Be Friends For Us..
How Many Times Have We Gave Up On Each Other... But We Could Never Give Up on Our Love...
Our Friendship Should Always Come Above... Always Before...
But We Could Never Ignore The Signs...
Baby Do You Remember The Time..
That We Fell in Love... And The First Time We Kissed... The First Time We Hugged... The Very First Time We Said We Loved....
Now You're Telling Me....
That We Were Never Meant to Be... That We Didn't Meant It..
All The Late Night Chats... The Calls...
The Way You Stalled..
When You Wanted To Talk Longer...
And When Our Love Got Stronger... My Feelings Got Deeper...
Now I Hear You Telling People That I Don't Need Her...
You Don't Need Me..
Honestly...
Do You Really Want to Be Friends...
Sure We Separated.. But Why Should Our Love End...
Why Should I Stop Loving You Now... And This Friend Thing is an Excuse...
To Try to Keep Me Close.... But What's The Use...
I'm Not Happy at All... So Excuse Me....
If I Push You Away.. Ignore Your Calls... Your Texts... Delete You... Force You to Decide...
Just Because It's Your Feelings... You Hide...
Why Should I Lie....
To Myself and Others... Lie to Me..
You Can't Say That You Would Be Alright...
If I Up and Said I Found M. Right..
You Have The Power... To Change This...
Change The Way... I Look...
Change This Story Book Ending...
If You Really Feel Like We Could End Like This... And Be Friends Then...
That is What We Will Do...
But If You Feel Like Any Part of This is True..
Please Let Me Know...
Baby Don't Let Go...
Hold Me... Hold Me Down...
Stay Around..
As My Lover... You Mean So Much More To Me Than a Friend...
Baby Let's Try This Love Thing Again...
Let's Try to Pretend...
That This is All New..
Introducing and Meeting Each Other... A New Me... A New You...
We'll Meet For The First Time...
And If We Can Practice What We Preach.. We Can Get It Right This Time...
I Will Do Whatever to Convince Your Heart... Body.. Soul.. And Mind...
You Belong To Me... And I To You...
And If You Only Knew...
My Feelings For You are Too Real to Fake... I Can't Fake These Feelings... So They Have to Be True...
I Swear I'm Breaking Down...
Physically... And Mentally... To Picture It... Having to Looking at You Differently...
I Can't Be Just Another Associate.. Associating...
Someone You Call.. When You Feel Like You Need a Pick Me Up... Or For Advice...
When Someone Else Can't Handle Your Love.. So We Conference.... I'm Thinking Wouldn't It Be Nice...
If I Could Get We Back...
Wondering If You Tell Her The Same Things That You Tell Me...
And Will She Fall... Like I Fell..
Maybe Time Will Time...
I Wish It Was On My Side...
And You Could Be Mine...
Like You Were Before...
I Wish I Could Let You Know...
Jealousy is Not Really a Trait That I Carry...
But Right Now My Heart is Heavy...
And I'm Having One of Those Days...
When You're All I Can Think About.. Wondering If You're Feeling The Same...
Thinking About Me...
Stuck in Your Old Ways...
So I Send You A Smiley Face... Attached to It.. Is a Question... How Are You... Hi Friend...
You Reply... Hey Buddie...
I Type I Miss You So Much... Baby... I Want To Be With You.. But I Can't Force Myself To Tell You The Truth.. So Instead of Pressing Send...
I Press End...
And Say Nothing... Just Thinking... My Signature is It Would Be You...
But Regardless I Try to Ignore My How I Feel.. I Try To...
Put It Out of My Head...
The Truth is... It's So Loney... On Your Side of The Bed...
And Even Though I Wish These Feelings Would Go Away..
And I Can Put You Behind Me.. And Truly Mean It When I Say.. You're So Yesterday....
I Can't Help But To Think.. That We Should Be...
We Were Meant To Be...
Now It's Just Unfortunate... And You Can't See..
You're Moving Further and Further Away From Me...
And As Much As I Wish We Were More Than That....
Our Love is Lost... And No Matter How Hard I Look For It... It Will Never Come Back....
So Until You Realize It's With Me...
Where Your Heart And Love Lies... I Guess This Friendship is Were We Should Be...
And I Always Find My Way Back To You...
Back To Us..
When I Say That We Can't Be Friends...
Trust..
I Mean.. I Could Never Stop Loving You...
I Can Never Change The Way I Look at You...
And The Way You Look at Me...
You Know Me...
Better Than I Do...
You Could Say That You Don't Feel The Same Way...
But That Wouldn't Be True...
You Miss Us.. Just As Much As I....
And If I'm Wrong... Then I Apologize...
For Over Stepping My Friend Boundaries... But Everytime You Say... You Just Want To Be Friends... I Know The Truth... You Can Lie To Me... But Your Eyes Never Lie...

Still In Love With My Ex..

... I Know It Feels Like I'm Ungrateful..
And I Know This May.. Make You Feel Some Kind Of Way.. We've Said Alot Things.. Some Mean.. Other's Hateful..
And It's Not Like I'm Trying to Replace You..
I'm Blessed.. I Thank God For Me Being with You.. It's a Blessing That I Met You..
But..
I Don't Know How To Say This.. Or What..
To Say..
Baby I Love You in Every Way..
And You Are So Good To Me..
You're My Security..
And I Know That This May Come At The Wrong Time..
But I Have To Say What's On My Mind..
Baby.. I Have To Confess..
I'm Still In Love With My Ex..
Before You Say Anything..
Before You Ask Me.. What I Mean..
Let Me Speak..
Baby It's Not You.. It's All Me..
I Wasn't Ready.. This Wasn't My Plan..
I Thought That We Would Only Be Friends..
But Feelings Began to Grow..
And When The Feelings Become Mutual..
We Both Agreed That We Should Be Together..
And When We Made Those Promises to Each Other..
I Never Had Intentions to Stand By Any One of Them.. I Lied..
And When It Felt Like I Was So Happy With You.. I Cried..
Not From Happiness.. But Because I Knew No Matter How Much I Tried..
We Would Never Last..
Honestly.. I'm Too Stuck in My Past..
And As Time Flied.. It Moved So Fast..
My Feelings For That Matter.. My Heart.. Moved So Slowed..
And Baby I Know..
You Treated Me Like a Queen..
This Probably is The Best Relationship.. Maybe Your Love is What I Need..
But I Want..
You Can't Give Me..
Can You Forgive Me..
For Stringing You Along..
And I Know I'm So Wrong..
And I Know You Will Probably Hate Me..
And No Matter How Much Love You Show.. It Will Never Make Me..
Love You The Same Way as I Love My Ex..
As You Try to Change The Subject..
It Will Always Start and End..
With Us Being Friends..
You Can't Help Who You Love..
So When We Kiss.. And We Hug..
My Mind is Else Where..
My Body is With You.. But My Heart Doesn't Care..
Will Never Share..
Or Will Choose..
You..
What's The Use..
When You Say You're in Love.. And Look at Me..
For a Reply..
If You Look in Eyes..
You Will See..
That I'm Not Ready..
Never Was..
Never Will Be..
Please Believe..
I'm Not What You Need..
Because I Will Never Love You Whole-Heartedly..
And I'll Understand If You.. Say Good-Bye to Me..
In All Honesty..
I Think That is What We Should Do Separate..
Because I Tried to Replace..
Tried to Erase..
What We Had..
Try to Understand..
This Will Never Work Out..
And When I Love You.. Comes Out of My Mouth..
It's Never Spoken From My Heart..
And It's Tearing Me Apart..
I Know It's Alot That I Put You Through..
But Why Should You Suffer Because I'm Confused..
And I'm So Sorry..
I Wasted Your Time.. When You Could Actually Be With Somebody..
That Will Never Put You in This Love Triangle..
Be With Someone.. Who's More Than Willing and Able..
To Do What I Can't..
But I Can't Just Turn My Back..
On The Love That I Left Behind..
Because Real Love is So Hard to Find..
So I Just Can't Let Go..
Of What I Once Had.. And The Love That I Know..
Please Forgive Me..
And If You Never Speak to Me..
I Wouldn't Blame You..
You're Not Where My Heart is And I Would Never Change You..
You're Perfect.. Just The Way You Are..
But Our Love Can Only Take Us.. So Far..
I Never Wanted to Cheat..
Or Go Behind Your Back and Creep..
But Our Love is Not Meant to Be..
And My Ex is Meant For Me..
I Take It That You'll Never Understand..
When I'm Holding Your Hand.. And I'm Smiling in Your Face..
In My The Back of Mind.. I'm Already Convinced That You Can't Replace..
Or Separate..
This is Not Up For Debate..
And It's With My Ex Do I Want to Make It Work..
Yes I Know My Worth..
I Know What I Deserve..
I Hear You.. Yes I Heard..
But They Are Just Words..
I Can't Listen..
Refuse To Pay Attention..
When It's The Ex.. That I'm Missing..
I Can't Describe It.. It's Just Different..
So When Love is Mentioned..
I Think of My Ex.. No This is Not a Competition..
I Just Have So Many Reasons..
Why Our Love Has Meaning..
It Appeals To Me..
And I'm Truly Sorry..
That I Moved On To The Next..
Because I'm Still in Love with My Ex..

Dedicated To My #1 Fan..

Some Might Call Your Love For Me.. An Obsession..
I See Pass.. The Crazy.. But I Can't See Why I'm Your Ideal Selection..
Why I Tend To Make You Smile.. When You're Going Through This Whole Depression..
I'm Just Plain Me..
When I Look In The Mirror.. I Try to Look Closer.. To See What You See..
Yet In Still You Love It..
Making Love.. Consistently to The Thought of It..
Closing Your Eyes.. To Just See Me..
High On This Pedestal.. Because Mentally..
I'm The Greatest To Ever Do It..
My Opinions Matter.. You're So Influenced..
Still I'm The Best You Never Had..
And You Got It So Bad..
Ushering In Thoughts That Fulfills..
And It's Instilled..
You Heard About Me..
All The Rights About Me..
Convinced That Nothing About Me is Wrong..
You Are So Gone..
Doubt That I'm Flawed..
Because I'm So Raw..
Incapable of Hurting..
You're So Open..
Begging For Me To Close You..
Praying That One Day I Show You..
Expose To The Real...
Your Desire To Feel..
And Even When I Tell You I'm Not Perfect..
You Reply.. Oh But You're So Worth It..
And You'll Close The Curtains..
On Any Other Show.. Act.. Play.. Playing..
I Have Your Undivided Attention.. And You're Always Paying..
I'm Your Beautiful Nightmare.. You've Never Seen..
At Times It's Scares You.. I Can Be The Person of Your Dreams..
And I Wish I Knew What You Mean..
I'm More Private.. While You're So Public..
Your Display of Affection.. You Love It..
You Adore Me..
Want To Show Me..
Work Me..
Like I've Never Been Worked Before..
You See The Potential In Me.. And So Much More..
Begging For Just One Opportunity..
You Want to Get Used To Me..
Asking If Anything You're Doing.. Is Brand New to Me..
You're So Caught Up Over This..
You Want to Bathe In My Kisses..
Live In My Hugs..
Feel The Pleasure of My Love..
Make You Feel In Ways You Never Felt..
Already Established.. That Once You've Had Me.. There's Nothing Else..
Continue To Demand It.. That I Make You Feel Ways.. That Words Can't Describe..
Tremble At The Thought.. Of Catching My Vibes..
Knees Get Weak.. When We Lock Eyes..
Those Butterflies..
A Cycle of Shyness.. You Repeat This..
Speechless..
To Our Future Experiences..
And You Want To Experience..
You Visit..
You Want to Live In It..
Our Chemistry..
We're Meant To Be..
Not A Groupie.. But Every Time You're Near Me You Have To Re-Group...
And I Feel So Out of The Loop..
It's Something About Me..
That If You Ever Got The Chance To Really Meet Me..
With The Upmost Respect.. Is How You Would Treat Me..
Two Halves of Both Individuals.. You Really Want to Complete Me..
So Sick Of Love Too...
You Want to Be Healed and I Must Inject You..
Some How I Correct You..
Fantasies.. Beginning With Me Laying Next to You..
I Belong to You..
And I Can't Prolong You..
From What You Deserve..
What You Earned..
Me..
My Body..
Every Piece of Me..
And I Sit Back.. Taking Back..
You Swear You're Just Stating Facts..
I Appeal To You..
I Memorize You..
You Envision Me and You..
Gaming..
Proclaiming..
Instigating...
That When Other's Think Your Love's Intimidating...
I Don't.. It's So Fascinating...
When Other's Think That You're Kinda Stalkerish..
I Can't... I Dig It Alittle Bit..
So Don't Change.. Show Me..
You Know That It's Going to Be a We...
And Trust Me Baby... I Can Truly Understand..
Because Not Only Are You My #1.. But Baby I'm You're Biggest Fan...

The Painting Of Me..

It’s funny how you continue to paint an even more complex portrait of me
Every time I think that the picture is simple and understandable, you brush a little more abstract idea or belief
And with every stroke it seems to add a bit of color to my black and white perception of life and my feelings toward you
Every little detail completes me or defines me as the painting becomes more clear that you feel the same way I do
My life stands on the solid foundation you continue to make sure the easel is properly positioned
Just to make sure that the painting doesn’t fall or to add a shade or element of Love that’s missing
You add the color red that defines my heart, which was empty, you occupy that space and it now beats and feels
You add blue and yellow to define the stars and the sky, the few places that gets me high and makes me happy because you make my dreams seem obtainable, you make reaching for the stars seems so real
You also add various colors which in return mix and matches just like my life, How do you know me so well? You understand that my portrait is something that you have to take time with and care for, because you love painting me and it isn’t hard to tell…..

Mistress...

A mistress, A female having power, authority, or ownership; the unofficial wife
A female who has an ongoing extramarital sexual relationship with a man outside of his married life
Mistress; so many situations tend to surface when this 8 letter word is categorized to females who seem so trife
I been called it, called it I’ve been
From bitch, trick, hoe, slut, all the names in the book and it seems like the pages never end
They hurt cuz I did this to them like it’s my fault your man would rather me & him than u & me be friends
But who could disagree, I don’t have a man cuz someone like me put me up on game
If you get your man taken then you need to cuck it up & do the same


Some situations I can’t do nothing but just sit back and laugh
It is them together and all the while he can’t stand her ass.
While she up smiling and grinning claiming she his only and they happy as can be
Damn, I be feeling bad cuz he all over me.
I feel like the other girl, the best girl for the situation that you call your own
You can see me when she can’t and we talk on the phone
You claim its best that you stay with her because you have a rep but you reassure me that we’re meant to be
Then you turn around and tell me you seem to be losing your touch with her and you wanna feel me


Its just cuz I don’t wanna be alone
It’s easy loving someone who is taking care of home
I’m a mistress, a female who has the world at her feet
She entices all the niggaz, not on purpose it just that word on the street
That baby girl can take a man first time they meet
It’s like musical chairs, music stop; it’s not hard for her to find a seat.
She has a head on her shoulders, she sees the big picture
And if she wants you, then it’s not hard for her to get with ya
It’s only matter if time before she has you doing what she wants you to do.


Sometimes it hurts to be the other female you run to
It’s nice to feel appreciated but that’s only when it’s me and you
I want the whole world to understand our relationship & know
But instead it’s just me, you, my friends, your boys and d-low
The late night calls, the visits just to show your there
All the affection, the hugs, the kisses, I Love yous just to show you care
This satisfies me up to a point until I see you with her you’re being there & caring
I see the absences of your love you claim you don’t have with her as I just stand there looking and staring
Only if I could be in her shoes, just for one day to switch places. Then I would know what being the other woman is not knowing his changing faces.


How could he just do this to me?
Cheating with her and he know we’re meant to be
I can’t believe that he could do this and he knows how I feel
All those I love you, baby when he wasn’t keeping it real
I gave my all to him and all I got was baby I’ve been cheating
All those I was at work late and I’ll call you back, should have know he was creeping
Behind my back on some ill ass, you not showing me you care & shit or some I wasn’t listening to you and she was there & shit
I feel so ashamed that I could just kill you and that bitch. I wonder how she feels now that I’m the mistress and she the main chick...

Your Hiding..

Listen Baby.. I Know That You've Been Hurt in The Past...
And You Wonder Why with You.. Love Never Seems to Lasts..
And You Tend to Let That Interfere with Your Present..
And I Know That You're Not Guilty.. But You Know That You're Innocent..
I Know That You've Been Hurt..
And Everytime Someone Comes into Your Life.. They Make U Feel Special.. Like You Mean Something.. And When They Leave.. Your Left Questioning Your Worth..
You Feel Like When You Open Your Mouth.. Words Come Out.. Things Get Said..
Feelings Get Hurt.. So You Believe That Things are Better Left Unsaid..
You Feel Like You Could Never Make a Difference.. And at Times You Wish Things Were Different..
You Think That Maybe If You Listened..
To The Word Spoken By Your Exs..
You Could Be Able To Express Yourself.. Give More Of Yourself.. More That What's Expected..
Less Feeling Sorry For Yourself.. Looking in The Mirror.. Feeling Like Neither One of You is Respected...
So You Panic..
Run Away From The Real.. Because Physically You Can.. But Mentally.. You Can't Handle It..
Mind Racing..
Contemplating..
People.. Beliefs... Ideas..
Your Biggest Fears..
Scared to Move Forward..
Making Progress..
But Process is What You Lack..
Sure.. You're Walking But You're Always Looking Back..
So Convinced That You Will Miss Out on Something in The Past.. That You Fail To See Your Future.. Fail To Connect To Your Present..
And If It Wasn't Evident..
That You Really Don't Know What You Want.. Confused..
Unfocused..
Hopeless..
But Yet So Hopeful..
You Don't Want to Kiss.. But You Want to Hug..
Don't Want to Get Hurt.. But You Want To Be in Love..
You Understand.. But Then You're Over It..
When You Feel like Love is Not in Your Favor.. And You Don't Benefit..
But The Fact of The Matter is..
I Mean You Know What Love is.. What it Brings..
You Think You Do..
Well You Think You Know Enough.. To Do The Right Thing..
And Because Most of The Times.. You Feel Like It's Right..
And If It Was Wrong..
The Feelings Wouldn't Be So Strong..
But Yet in Still You Love..
Well You Try..
And When Trying is Not Enough.. You Criticize..
Emphasize..
The Single Life..
You Question.. Life As You Have Known It Too Be..
Questioning.. Love and It's Chemistry..
And Why You Never Seem to React..
Questioning.. Why You Give Love and Why You Never Really Get It Back..
I Mean You Have All The Ingredients to Make Real Love..
At Least Produce..
But Then You Sit Back and Think What's The Use...
Because No One Will Ever Understand You..
The Way You Love..
The Way You Care..
The Way You Share..
I Mean You've Changed..
For The Good..
But Why Can't See Anyone See..
That I Have Enough Hard of a Time Loving Me..
So At Times Yes I Replace Lust with Love..
I'll Admit Sex is My Drug..
I Have Faults.. I'm Not Perfect No One Is.. As You Can See..
I'm Me..
Stop Trying to Change Me..
I'll Be The Same Me..
If You Love Me..
Or Leaved Me..
And Somehow I Feel Lost.. Looking For Something..
I Can't Even Dream of Happiness.. When I Close My Eyes.. I See Nothing..
But Lonely Nights with Sleep..
I Pray to God.. That He'll Bless Me For Loving You.. And He'll Let You See..
Until Then.. I'm Praying For Peace..
Because I Can't Stop Focusing On Why People Seem to Never Trust Me..
Like I'm Just This Bad Person... Pretending to Care.. Like My Sincerity is All an Act..
When It's Just Being Able to Share My Feelings is What I Lack..
Not Afraid Of Commitment..
Because If I Found Someone Who I Could Fall in Love With.. I Swear This Time Would Be Different..
What People Fail to See..
Is That I Hurt Too..
Yes I've Hurt Others.. And If Could Make It Better.. I Would Give The Rest of My Life.. Making It Up to Them.. It's Nothing I Wouldn't Do..
It's Just Hard Sometimes..
To Express And Say The Things That On My Mind..
What If You Don't Feel The Same Way?
What If What I Say Makes You Want to Leave and Not Stay?
Everyone Swears That I'm Full of Games.. And I Always Play..
Never Serious.. Hardly Real..
And You Could Never Possibly Imagine How That's Makes Me Feel..
When You Think All I Do Is Lie...
Like All I Really Wanna Do is Make You Cry..
When All I Want You to Be is Happy.. With or Without Me..
You Will Never Know..
How Much You Mean to Me.. Because My Feelings.. I Will Never Show..
I Swear It's So Hard..
To Listen to You Tell Me.. You Don't Want Me... Need Me.. Like I'm Supposed to Disregard..
My Feelings..
I'm Not Willing..
To Let You Go..
I Just Wish You Could Read My Mind.. See My Thoughts..
Know That When I Was Lost..
You Found Me..
Surrounded Me..
Supported Me..
You Know Me...
Believed in Me..
Seen Right Through Me..
You Know That This Life That I Live..
If You Really Said You Wanted to Be With Me.. This Life.. The People.. I Would Trade It All In or Up.. I Would Give..
It's Difficult to Say Here's The Key to My Heart.. You'll Always Have a Place to Stay.. Please Use It..
When I Do All Of This Just to Feel Stupid..
When I Misinterpret.. Read All The Wrong Signs..
You Tell Me You Love.. And I Tell You I Can See Myself with You.. But We Both Know Love is Blind..
You Say Prove To You..
That I Love You.. But I Can't Physically Imply..
That You Made Me Realize..
Love Again.. So I Try To Hide..
Maybe I Should Write You a Letter..
Would That Make Us Better..
Would You Acknowledge Me.. As Someone You Could See Yourself Being With.. Honestly...
Maybe If I Texted..
That You Were The Best..
Thing That Ever Happened to Me..
Would That Make You See..
I'm Trying..
I'll Stop Lying..
Stop Keeping Things..
Share My Revelations..
Stop Holding On To Information..
I Just Know That If I Shared My Soul..
It Would Make You Look at Me Different.. And Low and Behold..
You'll Look at Me and My Love Like it's Suspect..
When I Just Wanna Love You on Every Aspect..
I Don't Want You To Judge Me..
I Just Want You To Love Me.. Unconditionally...
I Just Want You To See Me As Your Beginning and Ending..
The Only One Your With.. And The One Whose Time Your Always Spending....
And To Tell U The Truth..
This.. I'm Not Used Too..
Someone Needing..
Someone Meeting..
Me Halfway..
You're My Sooner Than Later.. And Maybe One Day..
I Can Say..
Excuse Me..
This is The New Me..
Please Bare With Me..
Be Patient With Me..
Today I Stopped Hiding...
And Started Confiding..
But I Just Need to Know..
Will You Stay or Go..
When I'm Ready to Tell You.. Will You Be There..
Be Able to Embrace This Together.. I Hope This Experience.. We Both Can Share..
I Just Need to Know.. Can I Count On You.. To Understand..
To Listen.. As a Friend..
Please Know That We Will Get It Together One Day..
If You Can Look Beyond My Faults.. And Love Me Inspite of My Mistakes..
Then We'll Keep Trying Till We Get It Right.. We'll Both Promise To Make It Work.. And Do Whatever It Takes...

A Lover's Quarrel..

We Go On and On...
Your Right when I’m wrong…
You’re perfect when obviously I’m flawed... Or So You Say...
I still can’t understand how we aren’t having sex at the Moment but You Tend to Fuck up My Day...
I didn’t come here to fight with you...
But just like the typical guy you want to force your opinion on me and I understand too
A Certain Extent...
You Tell Me that You Love Me... But You Want to Be Right... Mr. Right... So I Go Along with It...
And Going I Go...
Listening to Your theories of how...
The Average Female doesn’t understand guys and swallowing your pride to tell me I’m different...
I’m sure if the Typical Bitch listens to the bullshit you kicking...
It’s trivial to think that they would recognize game and listen…
So are you really trying to sike me out, I’m losing my mind with every thought or rhyme, and at the same time… it’s like I’m trying to find the piece that links me to you… but what am I to do… because every time I search for the piece of the puzzle, I rack my brain…
Oh No.. You can’t possibly feel my pain, instead of saying baby I want to help make this work, nigga say my name…
I’m slowing dying, and you’re no life line…
How can I get my life back… finding every piece but the one that finishes the puzzle, imagine that...
And you’re just sitting there... Looking at me with those Judgmental eyes of yours… Where’s the Love?
It’s a battle... A field that we both are familiar with… You call it home and I often stayed…
It was war… You hated to Lose or not get your way, So You Never started a War that you know I could win or could it get carried away…
but most of the time drama depended on how far from home you strayed or how many of them bitches you were fucking... So at night I laid and you lied...
Now that I think about it… No apology was worth the stressing and the make up sexing and kissing my tears because every night I cried...
But this right here is where the story gets vivid...
I can still remember it like it was yesterday your ignorance only makes me more livid...
How you thought that because I say disappear you gone missing and since you needed the attention... You found some another bitch who would listen…or some other female that you told was special because she was out of the ordinary
Not like me because she understood her role doesn’t talk back so to you that is Extraordinary…
But you told me I was Different… so now we disagree because yall don’t argue… I’m too special for that… to exceptional… Do you hear what you’re saying?
If I was so singular to you, you wouldn’t need a plural… So for you my mans... To God I’m praying… Hoping that you Realize What You have Before it Gone..
Before I Walk Out The Door... And Your Back to Being Alone...
But Damn... Then I'm Back to Being Single.. And I'm Back to Missing...
You.. But No... Suffering... And Being with You.. is Worst than Lonely.. Without You...
And Now.. I'm Sitting Here Confused.. Being So Indecisive.. Not Having a Clue...
Somehow... All it Takes is that One Time... For You... To Call and Seem at Fault.. And that's All I Need...
Within Moments.. We are Back to Being Us... Lovers and Friends... And You Catch Me Back Up to Speed...
Things are Going Great... Until I Notice... More or Less Catch... You in Another Lie...
I Tell Myself that Everything will Be Alright..
Because You Promised that You will Change... Be Better For Me...
And Now I'm Sitting Here Waiting.. Praying that the Day will Come.. When You See..
That I'm Sick of Being Broken-Heartened...
And Just When I Realize that I'm Not Going to Put Up with It Anymore.. I'm Back Where I Started..

Deeper Than Me..

The Constant Circle that I Seem to Double Time Too..
Feels Like I'm Speed Walking.. To a Destination.. Unknown.. Too Who?
Is this the Life that I Lead...
Honestly.. What Do I Need...
What Do I Want.. For Him... or Her.. Or Even Me..
Not Understanding My Purpose.. What Do I Have to Be..
You See I Tend to Fall for People that I Know would Be a Challenge..
And When I'm Done with My Conquest.. I'm Done with You.. Never Wondering how You Manage..
To Love Me.. To Care... To Stay By My Side.. If and When I've Had My Way...
When I Never.. Really Told You that I Wanted You..Or Needed.. You.. That You Completed Me.. How Do You Stay.. Why Do You Stay...
Just to Become another Knot on My Belt..
Another Trophy on My Shelf..
You See I'm Not Like Others.. Hardly.. And then I wonder Why Karma Knows My Full Name..
Funny.. Because I Tend to Fall for Others who Are Like Me.. One in the Same..
And The Ones... that I Never Should Fall For... I Do.. Somehow I Tend to Remain...
And They Leave Me.. Just as Quickly as They Came..
Nothings Changed...
You See I Fell for Mr. Right... In My Eyes.. He was The Only.. The One.. For Me..
So Sure.. That He Fitted Me.. Completed Me.. Made Me Whole.. It was Hard to See..
That He was Just Something that was Meant to be in My Life.. For Me to Learn..
Sure I would Lose the Battle.. But The War.. Would Be Stripes Earned..
So I Vowed.. Never to Take that Road Again..
Even if It Meant.. Being Friends..
Never to Go back..
But Like Opposites.. We Attract..
Once Again.. When I told Myself.. Never to Open Up that Part of My Life... My Heart..
Wondering Days.. or Months Later.. Unfinished Business is Just That.. My Intentions.. Cruel Intentions.. Why Do I Go Looking for Love? Why Do I Start?
So I Stopped Looking for.. Mr. Right..
I Longed for the Guy who Could.. Satisfy My Sexual Appetite...
Later to Realize that.. No One.. Could Fill that Void.. No Single Person Could Hold that Spot.. Play that Position...
Because As Soon as I Felt Like.. I Was Complete... The Other Part of Me.. Would Still Be Looking.. Searching.. Because I Felt Like I was Still Missing..
Out on Love.. or Lust.. Two Completely Different Emotions.. That were Meant to be Separated.. But I Often Confused Them.. Entirely...
Whole-Heartedly..
Giving My All.. When I Only Receive Whatever Piece of Yourself You.. Gave to Me..
Sitting Here Thinking.. That This Might Just Be Deeper than Me..
Deeper that Trust..
Lasting Longer than Lust..
When I'm Trying to Find a Word that Describe Me... When None Comes to Mind..
And Quite Frankly.. Another Me.. Would Be Hard to Find..
No One Could Duplicate the Feelings that I Make You Feel..
Or Give Off The Sense of Security and Honesty.. I'm Always Keeping it Real..
When IT'S ALL LIES..
No One's Real all the Time.. And Most of The Time.. I'm Just Telling You What You Want to Hear..
And By the Time You Realize that.. I was Never Really into You Like That.. I'm Gone My Dear..
I'm Trying to Tell You that.. It's Deeper that Me.. It's Deeper that Us.. And It's Deeper than You..
I May Never Want to Settle Down.. Let Alone.. Be with Just One of You.. Now that I Recall It.. Being a Tease.. Would Be Nothing Short of What I'm trying to Accomplish.. And I Sure Had You Hooked..
Sad.. I Can Read You.. All It Takes is One Look...
Just to Know that You Want What I want.. Sometimes More.. Often Less..
Honestly Can I Confess...
I Don't Know what I Need.. I Don't Want to Be Yours.. I Don't Want the Commitment.. Don't want the ideal that I'm all yours.. and Your Mine..
Sounds Like Promises in the Dark.. Because Once the Lights are Back on.. And Reality Hits.. Its Back to Lines..
The Game that I Spit..
I Sometimes.. Sit Back.. Wondering... Like is He Really Buying This..
Laughing Because.. You Believe..
And I Reach out My Hands to You.. And You Receive Me..
Yeah.. Often I Feel Guilty.. Because You Think that You Could Have this Place in My Heart..
When I really Don't Have One.. And If You were Smart..
You'll Realize that I don't Think like a Girl.. My Mind Frame Matches Yours.. And I Just Might Be Better at Being what You are with My Eyes Closed.. Too Easy..
And when You Take the Time to Understand That.. Why You Could Never Be My Man.. and Why I Could Never Be Your Girl.. You could Never Fully Please Me..
It's Deeper than the Surface with Me.. I Lost Myself A Long Time Ago..
And If You Knew what I Had in Store for Us..Which is Absolutely Nothing... You Would Let Me Go..
Because Nine times out of Ten.. I Already Moved On.. My Attention Span... is Short When it Comes to Love.. Or Any Kind of Commitment..
Deep... I Know.. I just Hope You Realize it Before it's Too Late.. Take the Time to Listen..

I Stand Alone..

As I Sit Here and Try to Reminisce...
Try to Separate.. The Reality for Those.. That Doesn't Seem to Exist..
Yet in Still.. I try to Justify..
Why I Have These Feelings towards Those.. Who Seem to Rely..
In My Attempts to Try..
To Give My Heart to Those Who Never Seem to Understand..
Or Comprehend..
What Friendships are.. What The True Meaning.. of Being A Friend..
So without Question.. Or Explanation... I Leave...
And Those Who Do..
At the End of the Day.. Have No Clue..
Why I Seem to Think That I Stand Alone.. Or Want to Be..
But What they All Fail to See...
That when it's All Said and Done.. No Matter How Many Friends..
I Tend to Have.. And Yet I Still Think of Them as Associates.. Never Trusting Them.. Or Anyone..
To the Point.. Where.. I Should Care.. Or Want Too..
Because at the End of the Day.. I Could Care Less About Anyone..
And When It's All Said in Done..
No One.. Takes Care of Me.. Knows Me.. Understand Me.. Complete Me..
Seeing Me..
Like I See Me..
Hearing Me..
Like I Hear Me..
Time After Time..
I Trust..
I Think to Myself.. That Friendships.. Are this Precious Gift.. Never..
Will I Ever Put My Trust in People.. Ever..
Rely..
Try..
To Put Myself in Their Shoes..
Care..
Try to Be There..
Now.. It's Self...
My Ambitions..
My Goals..
Want to Let It Be Known..
That I Stand Alone..

Break My Little Heart..

Time After Time.. I Try Not to Compare You.. To The Others..
The Ones before You.. That Tried.. To Break Me..
And Make Me.. Into Their Image..
Change Me.. Tried to Show.. Me My So-Called Real Worth..
All The While.. Dragging My Name Through the Dirt..
Jeopardizing.. My Initial Reaction to Love.. And Love Again..
Making It a Sin..
To Love More.. So I Love Less..
So Sorry.. If It Feels Like.. I'm Putting You Through this Test..
See My Heart is Made of Glass.. You Can See Through Me and My Feelings.. The Emotions.. Are So Clear..
And If Showing You.. Wasn't Good Enough.. You Keep.. My Heart.. And Hold It Dear..
Supposedly... Keeping It Near..
Now.. Yes... I Understand That No One is Perfect... And Everyone Makes Mistakes...
But Eventually.. After The First Couple of Times.. You Ripped it to Pieces.. You Finally Drop It.. and It Breaks..
Determined.. with Showing Me.. That You Can Fix.. It.. You Cut Yourself.. Knowing.. The First Cut is Always the Deepest...
And You Don't Want to Treat It..
Too Impelled. To Show Me.. that You Bleed Me..
Need Me.. How..
All You Ever Wanted.. Was Me.. Now..
And All I Ever Wanted.. Was Us.. Forever..
A Better You.. A Better Me.. Somehow.. For The Better... Together..
But What Never Seemed to Work.. Out Was a Better Tomorrow.. So We Worsen.. Today.. Because.. Yesterday.. Couldn't Measure.. To The Happiness.. We Expect..
And So You Suggest..
That We Just Take Baby Steps... Things Slow..
And Before We Go..
Hand in Hand..
You Demand..
My Loyalty.. My Honesty.. My Trust..
Telling.. Me.. That These Things.. If Given.. By Both Parties Equally.. Will Make a Better Us..
When.. All of Those Things.. Has Always.. Been.. There..
Why Would.. I Stop Being Me..
Me.. is What You Like..
What You Love.. What You Got So Used to Each Night..
I Stayed Me.. You Stayed..
Not Knowing.. Who or What..
I Was Getting.. Or Seeing..
I Try to Speak.. The Real You.. Into Existent..
Hoping.. That One.. Day.. They Will Come Visit..
So When You Started Talking About You.. I Listened..
Trying.. To Imagine.. The Vivid.. Pictures.. On How You Do.. YOU..
So Everyday.. Was A Fun Adventure.. Trying.. to Get to Know You..
And After.. A Certain.. Period.. Fun and Games.. Shouldn't Ended..
Serious.. Time. Really Never Began..
So it Never Registered.. To Be More Specific..
To Hear You Talk About.. Love.. Never Really Paid Attention..
To Those You Spoke.. Of or About.. And Now You're A Critic...
Because.. You Want Us to be Different.. Perfect.. The Best to Ever Do It..
And Honestly.. We Never Did it..
Sure Everyone.. Loves.. Everyone is In Like.. Sometimes.. But Can You Honestly.. Find Someone who was In Love.. And Stayed.. to Finish..
So Now.. We're Stuck.. in Love.. With The Thought.. of Love.. at The Realest Hour or Minutes..
Not Knowing.. What to Do.. How To Get Back to Each Other.. You Say.. You Want to Find.. Your Way to Me.. Wanting to Start.. Something.. When We Never Really Ended..
And Through it All.. You Still Have My Heart..
So Now.. I'm Sitting Here.. Chest Open.. Exposed..
I Guess in the End.. I Got What I Deserved..
So Determined.. With Not Getting Hurt.. Stressing.. That I Would Leave You.. Before You Hurt Me..
Honestly.. Blind.. To The Obvious.. Wasn't Hard to See..
That All the While.. I Was Trying.. Not To Let You Get to Close..
I Hurt Me...
I Stayed...
I Prayed..
For a Change...
And Still With No Avail.. I'm Standing.. Here Alone..
With Me...
A Broken.. Heart..
Thinking.. Love.. Will One Day.. Be The Death of Me..
Sighs..

Unfaithful..

... Sighs.. As I Try to Rehearse..
At a Lost For Words.. Starting Off By Saying.. I'm Truly... Relationship Cursed...
Then Trying to Form The Sentences... Get Together.. The Truth.. Because Lies Seems to Fall Apart...
Baby.. I'm Sorry.. Because.. I Love You With All My Heart...
But..
As I Stare in The Mirror..
Cursing Myself..
For What I Did..
Who I Did..
How Many Times... .
All The Lies...
Baby I Cheated..
And As I Can Imagine.. You Falling.. to The Floor..
I Wait For You to Be Seated..
I See The Hurt in Your Eyes...
The Tears Not For The Cheating... Or The Lies..
For The Perception.. That I Played...
And As We Laid..
I Wanted to Tell You..
Couldn't Find The Words...
Couldn't Face You..
Baby I Wasn't Trying to Replace You...
You are So Special to Me..
I Will Never Find Another..
You Are My Baby.. My Love.. My Friend... My Lover...
And I Swear..
That It Was a Once in a Lifetime Thing.. Lies..
And I was thinking about You The Whole Time.. Lies..
I Imagine That They Just Roll Of My Tongue.. Telling You Anything to Get You To Stay...
To Say..
Shit Happens..
No Reply...
Just Silence.. More With The Lies...
So That I Won't Have to Hear You Say Good Bye Forever...
I Feel So Hurt.. It Wasn't My Intention to Hurt You.. Ever...
I Feel Like I Lost Your Trust..
Losing Us..
You Can't Even Look at Me..
The Thought of Me... With Someone Else..
Leaves an Empty Feeling.. No Emotions.. The Words.. Playing In Your Head Over and Over.. I've Been Cheating..
The Thought of Losing You.. Makes My Heart.. Stop Beating..
And I Need You To Tell Me.. Your Not Leaving...
Please Baby...
You Are Meant For Me.. And I For You..
What Do You Mean.. If I Was In Your Position.. What Would I Do..
I Would Stay and Try to Work It Out.. Lies..
I Would Leave and Never Look Back..
As If.. My Opinion.. Matters at The Moment..
I Just Want to Rewind.. Go Back in Time.. And Pause It to When We Were Truly Happy.. And Hold It..
But I Can't.. Give Up.. Neither Can We...
What's Done is Done..
And It Hurts Me.. As I Try to Focus... Back to Reality.. As I Sit There and Try to Listen..
To Why.. You Feel Like Our Relationship is Different..
And If I Wasn't Tripping..
You Wouldn't Have to Go Out.. To The Bar.. Taking Shots... Just Sipping..
And You Met This Girl..
And You Gave Her Our World..
Our Time.. Your Mind.. Your Heart.. Our Lust.. Our Love.. Us..
You Question If I Hate You..
If I Want to Get Even Too..
Maybe You Do Deserve It..
Deserve to Be Lied Too..
Deserve to Feel Like I Feel..
Knowing That Your The Only One Being Real..
Giving Your All..
And When You Love Someone.. It's So Easy to Fall..
Baby.. Baby.. Baby..
I Black Out.. Tuned Out.. Focusing On Someone I Used to Knew..
No More Present Tense.. Strickly Past..
So why try to Make it Last...
Love Can Only Go So Far..
Apologizing... Doesn't Help.. It Makes It Worst..
I Question.. Relationships.. I Question.. Love.. Life.. and Happines...
I No Longer.. Feel Safe in My Own Home.. My Place..
Sure I Can Ask For Space.. But is That What I Seriously Want... Really...
No.. Idk What I Want.. And It Might Sound Silly.. But I want Me..
I would never Cheat on Me..
And If I Met Me..
I Would Treat Me Right..
I Love Me..
Even If You Never.. See..
I Can't Be The Only One Faithful..
So Until I Find Someone.. Who Will Cherish My Values..
I Just Have Me..

Say Hello To Goodbye..

Yesterday.. I Loved You.. Today.. I Fell..
Hard to Tell..
If Tomorrow... Is Promised.. But We Should Never Dwell..
On The Past...
We Tried in the Present to Make It Last..
Now to the Future.. I Would Say F*uck Love.. And You.. Too.. But It's Not Worth The Nut..
When My Gut..
Tells Me That You Will Be Back..
And I Hope It's Wrong..
And As a Matter of Fact..
I Hope You Do..
So I Can Shake Your Hand..
I Underestimated You.. And Your Plan..
Shame..
SMGDH...
You Had Me So Fooled..
Apparently.. I'm The Fool...
The Jokes On Me..
And As You Can See I'm Not Laughing.. Let it Be...
Looking For Peace.. Closure...
Whoever Said.. That It's Never to Late to Say Goodbye... Lied..
Apparently They Never Met You.. And I Tried..
From The Very First Time I Cried..
To The Times.. I Almost Died..
When I Felt Like I Was Losing You...
Ha.
Now Come to Think of It.. You Need a Standing Ovation..
Take a Bow...
You Made Some Revelations..
A Couple... Kisses and Hugs... And Now.. You Think.. I'm Going to Stay..
Love Doesn't Live Here Anymore..
What Do You Want Me to Say...
I'll Wait..
I'll Take..
Whatever You Give Me..
Child Please..
You Love Who..
Spare Me..
The Hopeless Fairy Tale..
Of How The Prince Ends Up.. Marrying The Girl of His Dreams..
These Dreams Your Trying to Sell..
I'm Not Buying...
And I'll Lying..
If I Didn't Say.. That I Wanted My Money For Buying You..
I Want My Time Back For Trying You...
Anymore Chances.. I'm Denying You..
But I Hope All is Well..
I Wish You Both Heaven and Hell..
Happiness and Misery..
Pain and Pleasure..
Because You Can Never Have Good without Bad...
And If It Seems Like I'm Mad..
I'm Not..
I'm More or Less Glad..
Surprised..
More or Less Right.. Than Wrong..
That You Lasted So Long..
Hate You.. Why?
Would I Put So Much Effort Until an Emotion.. That Dealings Directly.. With You...
Just as Quick as You Came..
You Can Go..
And I wanted to Be The One to Let You Know..
It's Over.. See I Had This Epiphany..
If Your Not.. With Me..
Your Against Me..
And I've Been Fighting For Me.. Since The First Day..
I Opened My Eyes..
Learned To Walk.. And Talk..
So When I Looked at You.. And Walked Your Way...
I Did Because I Wanted To..
To Meet You..
Say Hello..
Speak..
Meet..
Treat You..
Like You've Never Believe..
So When I Say.. I Do This.. I Mean..
I Deal The Cards.. Go All In..
Or Fold.. When It's Not The Right Cards..
I Don't Bluff..
Never Have to.. You Can See in My Eyes.. That I'm Tough..
So Trust...
I'll Be Fine.. When Dealt Love.. I'll Take Lust..
So As Far As Us..
This is Goodbye..
Sighs..
Give Me That Any Day..
It's Nothing Worst Than Looking Back Regretting.. The Day.. I Said.. Hi...

End Of The Road..

.... I Could Remember... We Both Walked on The Same Path...
Same Speed... Holding Hands... Forever...
Trying Not to Rush Us... Pacing... Trying to Make This Thing Called Us Last...
It Seems Like... We're Drifting... Away...
My Road is So Easy... Yet You Want to Make It So Hard... To Follow... Making it So Easy to Stray...
The End Never Looked So Bright..
We've Been Down This Road... The Tunnel Seems So Dark... I'm Lost Without You...
You Used to Be My Guide... My Light...
Now It Seems Like.. You No Longer Complete Me..
Need Me...
As Your Guide...
To Show You... Lead You...
Want You By My Side...
Now it's So Hard to Find You...
What Can I Say...
What Can You Do to Make Me Stay..
Just Seems Like as Close as I Get to You...
The Time and Distance..
The Arguing.. And The Pissing...
And Moaning....
The Way You Used to Listen...
Now You Just Hear...
Like It Gones in One Ear...
And Out The Other...
Treat Me Like I'm Another...
When I Should Be The Only....
It Kills Me... When You Say You're Lonely...
Like I Could Never Be The One to Complete You...
Yet in Still We Both Continue to Walk Down This Road...
Time and Time Again...
When We Always... End Up Back as Friends...
We Continue to Walk...
Knowing That... This Journey... is Difficult...
But You Swear to Us... That It Will Benefit...
And at the End... We're Be Heaven Sent...
When it Seems Like You... Dragged Me Through Hell and Back...
And I Followed.. Holding Your Hand...
And Then You Say... Commitment and Patience... is What I Lack...
How Can I Continue this Road with You...
When We Always Hit a Dead End...
Stuck at a Crossroad...
A Point in Our Lives... Where Things Should End...
And You Promise Me.. That We Just Need a New Beginning..
And In This Case...
No One is Winning..
I'm Losing...
Because Instead of Letting Go Of Your Hand.. And Taking This Road Alone...
I'm Choosing You...
Love... Please Stop Making a Fool....
Of Me...
The End of The Road... Seems So Bright..
The Way... I Should Follow.. Full of Happiness.. Peace... And Everything Right...
But I'll Rather... Choose The Road Full of Heartache... And Heart break...
Just to Be Able to Hold Hands.. And Be With You.... Sighs..

Disappear...

... I Sit By The Window and Stare...
Praying That I Happen to Catch a Shooting Star... And When It Appears... I'll Be There...
I'll Wish For Happiness... I'll Wish For Love... I'll Wish For Peace...
Because I've Prayed For Better Days... And All I Seem to Get is Grief...
I Was Never The One to Chase Waterfalls..
Never Received.. The TLC... That I Need... Never Received... Someone's All...
I'll Wish to Disappear...
And Reappear...
When It's My Time to Love... When It's My Time...
I'm Losing My Mind...
I'm Barely Making It.. Because Aside From... My Struggle.. My Pain.. My Grind...
You'll Never Know I'm Hurting...
Behind... The Jokes... I'm Cursing...
Either That.. Or I'm Cursed...
It Has Me Thinking Back... Like Who Have I Hurt or Done Wrong...
What Have I Done... to be Sitting Here Alone...
Singing This Sad Song... Well Not Really Singing...
Just Listening... As Karma Plays Her Sweet Melody...
Wishing It Was Me... She Was Sparing Me...
And I'm Thinking...
I'm Moving Further and Further Away From Reality...
I Blame It On My Mentality..
Because Physically I'm Here... Mentally...
I'm All Over The Place...
So Afraid to Give The Next Person... The Time... The Opportunity... The Space...
God Knows... I Don't Want to Complete The Circle of Getting Hurt... So I'm Hurting... Not Knowing...
Loving... And Leaving.. Not Needing Your Love.. Not Showing...
A Care...
I Just Wish I Could Close My Eyes...
And Open Them Back Up... And to My Surprise...
All This Could Vanish...
And I Could Actually Stand It...
Stand Love... Want Love... Give Life to The Next... Through My Words... My Kisses... My Hugs...
I Can Give Away My Love...
And Actually Want Too...
Actually Need You...
Instead.. What I Need is For You Not to Fall in Love... Not to Fall.. Not to Trip....
Not to Even Slip...
Not to Cry Me a River...
Your Tears Mean Nothing to Me...
My Words are Like Posion... Slowing Killing You...
And I Could Say I Care... Baby I Do...
But If I Had to Choose I Would Choose Me.. Of Course I Want You Too...
But Disappearing is What I Do Best...
But You Suggest..
That I Stay and Work It Out..
Work On Us... You Swear... That I Always Find Ways.. To Leave You...
Finding Ways to Treat You... Like The Next...
When You've Put Time and Effort into Us...
Begging Me to Get It Off My Chest...
And At This Very Moment... I Wish I Had a Twix... Because I Swear I Need a Moment...
Just a Minute... A Couple Seconds... To Own It...
Own The Night..
Take Back My Life...
Stop This Fight..
Get to The Bottom of The Problem...
All This Arguing.. And We're Not Solving Them...
Knowing That We Both are Wrong... And As Soon As We Find Right...
It Will Be Different...
You Would Stop Tripping...
You Would Listen...
I Wouldn't Want to Disappear... And Come Up Missing...
And Eventually You'll Look For Me...
But You'll Give Up Hope and Stop Looking.. They Always Do... And No Matter How Much You're Telling Me...
You Would Never Stop Loving Me...
They Always Do...
Whether... They Want To...
Or Not...
As Soon as I Walked In.. I Can Walk Out and Be Forgot...
You Can't Tell Me... That You're Not Like Everybody...
You Will Never Change...
I Know The Game...
As Soon As You Feel You Got Me...
The Switch Cuts On...
The Sweet One is Gone..
And The B*tch is Here to Stay...
And I'll Rather Leave You Alone...
Before The A**hole in Me... Rubs You Wrong... Not Purposely... But In Some Kind of Way..
And Here You Go... In My Face...
Now You're Pushing Me Away... Not Giving Me The Chance to Leave...
But Then You Switch... Begging Me To Stay....
So Please Miss Me...
So I Can Truly Disappear...
And Reappear...
And Whatever Trip You On.. Hope You Come Back Permanently...
Instead... You Left The Buiding.. You Come Back to Visit... But The Real You... is On a Permanent Vaca....
And You Want Me To Stay...
If You Can Leave... Why Can't I..
Please Don't Cry...
I Can't Take The Tears..
Don't Remind Me of The Years..
You Was Down For Me...
Stayed Around For Me...
Like I'm a Burden... Like I'm Luggage... That You Carry...
And as Heavy as You Say I Make Your Heart.. You Want to Keep Carrying Me..
Confused... Very..
Much...
F*ck Love...
Not You...
If You Would Let Me Disappear...
And Reappear...
I Could Face You... Want You Near...
Now Just Thinking About You... Makes We Sick to My Stomach... When Did We Get To The Point... How..
I Ask Myself... As I Stare Out The Window.... Thinking What I Need Now...
More Than Anything.. is To Disappear....
*Sighs*

Imagination..

... I Close My Eyes.... And Drift Away...
And I Swear I Can Feel You... See You... Hear You.... Your Kisses... I Still Remember How They Taste...
I Think Back... To a Time... When You Were All Mine...
And I Was All Yours....
My Eyes... My Lips... My Hands... My Body... My Mind...
Focused On You.... Pleasing You...
I Imagine a World... Where It Was Only You and I...
And Although I Have No Problem... With Anyone Watching Us... I Feel The Need to Have The Attention Focused on Me...
Your Hands Exploring...
Me Luring... Your Hands... To Touch Me...
Your Eyes Suggesting That You Want To...
You Kiss Me... I Let You... I Kiss You Back... You Look at Me... And I Look Back at You... Like I Know...
No Words... Need To Be Said...
And As We Lay Here... Enjoying Each Other On Our Bed..
We Both Know What it Is... And What It Has To Be...
Somehow In a Moment of War... We Can Make Peace..
I Forget About The Lies... And Why I Feel So F*cked Up Inside... When Our Lips Meet...
We Forget About Pain... The Hurt... The Feelings...
My Imagination... Playing Tricks on Me...
I Could Swear... That You Long For Me...
Like I Long For You...
And What Am I To Do...
When No One Can Make Me Feel Like You Can....
The Way You Take My Hand...
And Lead Me...
Damn My Imagination...
I Could Swear... When I Look at The One I'm With Now...
It's Your Face I See...
When I'm F*cking My Present... I Imagine That It's My Past... That I'm Making Love Too..
I'm Sexing The Future So Good... That She Doesn't Even Worry About The Other Two...
Because To Her... The Future is All That Matters..
And I Wanna Make Her Smile...
When All The While...
I Can't Let Go Of The Past... To Keep a Steady Relationship.. With My Present...
And Even Though Our Sex is So Heaven Sent...
My Imagination Gets The Best Of Me...
And When It Seems Like The Present and I.... Finally Find Happiness...
It Always Seems Like The Past Tries to Find a Way Back To Me....
Then It Begins...
The Temptation...
It's Like I'm Cheating Death...
Because If My Past, Present, and Future Ever Meet... I'm Sure That It Would Be The End of Me...
And If That Ever Occur.. I'll Be Ready To Meet My Maker..
Until Then... I'm Loving My Present... Lusting My Past... And Liking My Future...
I'm A Woman Torn Before... Now Showing When You Look Into My Eyes...
The Battle of Who Makes Me Better...
Is Only Fought on The Inside...
My Heart and Mind.. Has Been a Victim... But I Will Never Show That On The Outside...
And When I Felt Like I Couldn't Go On... I Thought About My Future... The Real Reason... I'm Still Alive...
And God Knows That Honestly... I'm Not Ready To Die...
So Until Then I'll Play The Good Girl Role...
And Yes It's Times.. When This Good Girl Way of Living... Gets Old..
So... I'll Keep Imaging...
Stay Dreaming..
Day or Night...
That The Past Would Come Back into My Life.. And Wanna Do Me Right...
Until Then.. I'll Fight...
And Give My All To Present...
So That I Can Do Future Better...
And It's Funny... Because She Knows That I Will Never Step Out On Her... But She Feels Like I'm Mentality Cheating...
She Knows My Imagination Gets The Best of Me...
So.. In Present's Eyes... She Senses I'm Unhappy.. But Physically... She Knows That She Can't Do Anything About It...
So She Lets Me Do Me...
And We Both Know That in My Heart... That She is The Only One For Me... My Favorite Girl..
And If I Could Do Anything to Make Our Life Better... If I Could I Would Give Her The World...
But She Still Knows.. My Imagine Gets The Best of Me...
And When We Both Say Goodnight... Kiss... And Go to Sleep...
And She Knows I Close My Eyes... And Drift Back to Past... Because She Could Never Compare...
Past and I have Something.. That We Could Never Share...
And I Know She Hates... It... And Sometimes... She Feels... Insecure... More Or Less... Jealous...
She Confines... In Me... Saying That If It Wasn't For Past.. Then It Wouldn't Be A Us...
And I Say... Baby... We Need Trust...
And She Replies... Baby I Know... But I Can't Stop Thinking What If... I Guess Its Just... My Imagination... And I Can't Blame Her... Because I Swear My Imagination Has Played Many of Tricks On Me...

Read Between The Lines...

.. I've Been Here... Too Many Times Before...
We Argue... We Fight... We Curse Each Other Out.. And You Walk Out The Door...
I Never Close It... Because In My Heart... I Know You're Not Going Anywhere...
You'll Be Back... And I'll Be Sitting Here... Waiting...
I Hate When We Go Back and Forth...
The Pacing...
My Heart is Racing...
I'm So Pumped Up... Full of Anger... Just Pissed For Way Too Many Reasons.. Mad..
Everytime I Think... That I Get The Joke... You Change The Punchline... And When Everyone Else is Laughing... I Feel Like I've Been Had...
I Wish That Love Had a Manual...
Had a Guide...
A Way to Cheat Love...
So I Wouldn't Have to Cry...
Everytime... You Say Good-Bye...
You Make It So Hard to Love You...
So Hard to Trust You...
When You Say... I'm Going Out Right...
I Hear.. I'm Cheating... Don't Wait Up Tonight...
When You Say... Baby... I'm All You Need... You Are Really Saying... Don't Get To Get too Close... You Are So Hard to Read...
I Can't Understand... How Love Turns People Into Fools...
Because I Swear I'm a Fool For You...
And What Am I To Do... My Mind.. Body and Soul Belongs to You...
Yeah I Talk About Finding Another Love...
But Another Love Like This is Hard to Find..
And I've Put Some Much Time and Effort into Making You Mine...
So You're Not Going Anywhere.. And Neither Am I...
And I Know It's a Thin Line...
Between Love and Hate...
But When We're in Love... We're Happy.... It's Great... But When We're in Hate... I Can't Stand to Be Around You... You Need to Get The F*ck Out My Face...
I Can Relate With Em...
Are You Really Going to Stand There and Watch Me Burn...
You Stand There Watching Me... Saying This is a Lesson I Have to Learn...
But Yet in Still I Love You...
What Am I To Do..
When You Say You Love Me...
I Get a Sharp Pain in my Heart.. My Mind...
Feels My Heart's Pain...
Because I Can Read Between The Lines...
And Everytime...
You Tell Me.. How Unhappy... You Are Now..
How I Can Love You Better....
And If We Wasn't Together...
You Would Be Able to Be Free...
Like My Love Has You Chained...
I'll Be A Liar... If I Didn't Say I Missed The Days...
When Our Love Blinded Us... When We Never Really Focused On Our Faults...
And If Love Has Taught...
Us Anything...
It Would Be To Love Each Other Despite... The Lies...
The Other People.. We Consumed..
So We Didn't Have to Talk...
So We Can Assume.. That Everything Will Work Out...
And Don't Get Me Wrong... I Don't Doubt Your Love..
I Just Can Read Between The Lines...
So When You Say... If I Leave You... Honestly... You're Be Okay...
That's Means Please... Don't Never Leave Me... I'll Curse The Day... You Ever Actually Listened... To What I Said... And Not What I Was Trying to Say...