Dear God

Dear God,

It's Me Again...
And I Know That I've Been Neglecting You... As a Father... And As a Friend...
But Things Have Been... Alittle Crazy... And I Know I Don't Have to Tell You.. Because You Know... But Nevertheless I'll Share....
I Know That You Only Put As Much On Me... As I Can Possibly Bare...
But The Way... I've Been Feeling Lately.. Seems... Like You Really Don't Care...
I Often Feel Alone...
And I Know.. That You Say That You Will Always Be There... But I Feel Like You Came... I Missed You.. And Now You're Gone..
I'm Lost...
I'm At a Part of My Life... Where I Feel Like I Don't Know Who to Trust...
I Don't Know Who To Love..
I Used to Looking Up In The Sky... And Know You Were By My Side... All I Had to Do is Look Above...
Now.. It Seems to Be Getting Worst... I Doubt Me...
Well Doubt is All I Can See..
I Doubt My Potential...
I Doubt That I'm a Blessed Individual...
I Guess I Got So Used To.. You Helping Me Up... When I Fall..
And Now It Seems Like You Won't Even Return My Calls..
I Could Cry Right Now...
But That Wouldn't Benefit Me Any How..
1% Water.. 99%Emotions... Wasting Tears...
To Shield... My Fears...
My Feelings... My Needs...
I Want Support... I Need Your Wisdom... Like Always... So I Can Take Heed...
Just to Tell Me Things That I Already Know...
My Child.. These are Lessons... We All Need Them to Grow...
But What I Need is Peace...
A Simple Sunshine... In My Storm of Grief...
I'm Literally Laying in My Misery... Blanketed... By My Depression... Pillows of Sadness... My Bed of Unhappiness..
I Can See Me Standing Over My Body... Smh.. Because This Isn't Me... Any Of This...
I Want to Go Back to Where I Was Strong Enough to Tackle.. Every Obstacle... Would Never Settle For Defeat...
So I'm Thinking... That It's About That Time Again.. That We Meet...
Have a Face To Face... You Talk and I Listen...
And You Show Me... What I'm Doing Wrong... And Show Me.. What's So Different....
Why I Feel Like... Giving Up... Quitting..
Not Willing to Get Out and Conquer My Fears... I'm More Willing to Lose The Battle Because I Can't Move.. I'm Sitting..
I'm Inching Towards... The Brink of No Return... Dead Man's Creek...
And As I'm On My Knees... Asking You For A Sign... A U-Turn... Right A Way... Dead End... Is All I Seek...
I Feel Like No One Gets Me...
Like You Can...
Whenever I Needed Someone to Walk with Me... You Were Always There to Hold My Hand...
And I'm Asking.. It's Not a Demand...
Please... Please... Talk To Me...
Tell Me...
Show Me...
And Believe Me...
I Hear...
It's Nothing That I Want More in Life... Than To Have You Near...
Time... People... are Changing... And I'm Supposed to Just Let It Be...
I Want to Help Them... While Helping Me...
It Was Instilled in Me as a Child.. To Open My Heart To You... You Give.. And I Receive...
If They Do Not Believe...
In You... I Do... I Know What's Right...
I Had a Dream Last Night...
That I Woke Up... And I Was in a Pitch Black Room...
And I Couldn't Breathe... I Screamed For Help... As Smoke and Fire Consumed...
No One Helped Me... Not a Kin.. Not a Friend...
No One...
I Died..
Because I Let The Things That I Keep Bottled Up Inside...
My Imperfections...
My Poor Judgment.. My Failed Aspirations.. My Bad Suggestions...
When I Just Wanted to Be Free...
And Please God.. If Your Listening... I Get What You're Trying to Get Me to See...
I Just Hope This Reaches You in Time... Before I Lose What's Left of Me...
Sigh..
Waiting Patiently... And In Due Time...
I Pray You Get Back to Me...
Until Then... I'll Pray For Better Days....

Love Always,
Nina