Just My Random Thoughts

As I Lay in My Bed Listening to Trey Songz... Because Lets Face it... I Can't Sleep.. I Wanted to Take the Time to Thank Some Ppl that Had a Major Affect on My Life... I would like to Thank my First Boyfriend who broke up with me to get with one of my Closest friends... That opened up my Heart and taught me a valuable lesson.. I was too young to be fucking thinking about love anyway... Fuck that and everybody involved... but i digress... After that Relationships were a blur.. I had alot of them and I dont Remember half of them or their names... Not that Special.. But what I do Remember is the ones that caused Great Damage... And To Those Special Individuals.. I would Like to Thank U Guys... I would Like to Thank my High School Sweetheart for being there for me, and having so much faith in me, and caring for me way more than u should.. U hurt my Heart to the Core.. To My First Love.... Yeah U Not Only Broke it but u Tore it to Pieces.. And To My Last Boyfriend... Oh... Oh... U Put the Nail in the Coffin.. I Want U to Stand Up and Take a Bow.. U Deserve it... I Don't Fucking Have a Heart and if I did.. Like How Can U Mend that Shit?!?

After all that Dealings with Relationships and putting myself through that... I was done and to this Day.. Yeah I'm Done.. But I've always wondered where did this "fuck it" attitude towards relationships come from.. I mean I actually think that relationships and love is Gay... And I Want to apologize to the guys that I've talked to, encountered, or will met... If I had that attitude towards u... I was taught that if u tell someone that u miss them that they will hold it over your head and with that I got the brand of thinking like a Nigga... I Am A Girl.. I Must admit.. At times.. I'm even shocked by half the shit that Comes out of My Mouth.. Let Alone What I'm Thinking.. Definitely Not Lady Like.. But its like my Exs are not all to blame... I Am to Blame for some of it.. But I put 90% of the Blame on Akenke "kay kay" Iyi.. She send these crazy ass Ppl my Way.. And instead of telling her to go fuck off... I put myself in these situations.. I mean she attract these Ppl because She's Fucking Nuts.. So why would I not assume.. They're Just as Crazy as She Is... WTF....

My other thing in Relationships.. was the unhappy factor.. I'm not saying that I want to be happy 24-7 bc i know thats impossible but i dont want to feel like I'm settling.. I want to be with someone who I know makes me happy regardless... I Don't want to feel unhappy with myself about something... and thats what happened in most of my relationships.. If i care for u enough to change myself or com-promise (compromise is the word) then u should at least take notice that I'm trying and help me Out.. Because nobodies perfect... I guess Ur supposed to be with or marry the opposite of who u are or some shit like that.. but whatever i choose or chooses Me... I want to be happy inside bc I know u care for me and want to be with me not being with me for just my personality or convenience or the idea of me being the perfect person for Ur situation or that i can do something for u... I want to be able to say that I'm happy and actually mean it without losing myself in the process.. Because once Ur lost its hard to find yourself.. (Trust me I know) 

My other thing was... I Don't put my trust in alot Ppl like that... And its not alot of people that I let in my life or get to know me.. Its like if I like U.. I like U.. take the opportunity and do just that.. Stop Being so fucking confusing.. Guys Period.. That shit is annoying.. And stop trying to be mysteries.. I Don't like mysteries.. I Don't watch scooby doo.. I watch the disney channel.. I Don't want all of that.. Just be u.. and People wonder why Friendships never seem to work Out... If i want to be Ur friend.. I want to be Ur friend.. Thats what I want... (I know this is Long but its been on my mind lately..) Anywho Stop Assuming that U know what I want or that I want to be with U.. I May Just want someone to talk to but u take it as im madly inlove with u... If I wanted to be with ANYONE... I would be with them... I Listened to Janet Jackson I Get So Lonely (rmx)... Gosh.. It's Horrible.. U Make Friendship Painful.. and Talking to Some.. A Fucking Migrane.. OMG... 

And Lastly... WTF is up with the Past... I mean Exs just popping up in out of nowhere... Like U Stop Calling and U Disappear off the face of the Earth for like months and years... And U Come Back Assuming that I'm supposed to Bust a Nut bc U Back... Like U Retained a "Get out of Jail Free" card and I'm Just supposed to take it hand u The dice like U back in the Game.. I Have to Say the Nayno... U Don't Pass Go, or Collect 200.. U Go Straight to Jail.. Oh and Why are Guys talking to Much.. I think My Buddie is mad at me.. and idk why.. I haven't talked to him.. Ppl Need to Stop Being Shady... And Why is everyone being Shady?? Just Because the End of the Year is coming doesnt mean its time for Shady Dealings.. I Can't Take No More Shady Shit.. Lets Make 2009 A Good Year.. We Banned Bitchassness.. Let's Stop Shady Shit.. Please.. Just My Thoughts..